Let it Snow

I wake up.  Shiver.  Realize my comforter only reaches my ankles.  Feet dangle in the cool room air, the source of my increasing alertness.  I tuck my arms in close to my chest and roll onto them, trying to find any heat hidden in the room.  Quivering aside, it brings joy to me, the chill does.  My nose, fingertips, and toes feel something, a break in the normal comfortable night's sleep, causing my whole body to be at unrest.  Yes, I try to find that warmth again, but at least I know that the cold exists.

Despite what probably everyone thinks and says, Florida can get cold.  If you do not live in Florida and I told you the high and low for today, you'd disagree with my previous statement, because, of course, you might take 50 degrees in a heartbeat, and that is our low.  Seeing my breath at night freaks me out when growing up it was normal this time of year.  Our high today (don't judge) is 75 and just by standing outside and looking at the blue skies, the people out and about, you'd think maybe the end of summer, maybe beginning of autumn, probably not Dec. 20th.  Tonight, I'll be intentionally going out of my way to enter into the frozen tundra, make my extremities burn with the biting cold....and there will be joy.  Wisconsin, here I come!

I have to be honest, these past few months of ministry have been the most challenging for me, not because of anything especially circumstantially difficult, but because it feels as if I've been put on skis and pushed down a mountain.  The challenge looked exciting at first.  This is exciting and new.  Maybe I could do this well.  However, it feels like I have only one ski on.  Sometimes it feels like I was made more for sledding, not skiing.  I didn't know I needed balance, a strong foundation to keep me grounded.  I didn't realize how much protection from the wind and cold I'd need.  As I'm going down the seemingly never-ending hill, I'm slowly learning how to ski and balance, due to many learning experiences through short tumbles and falls.  However, I'm still not enjoying the skiing, this years responsibilities, maybe not even realizing the amazing fact that I'm skiing down a mountain.  I love the cold and the snow, I love the people of Brentwood and sharing life with them.  Skiing though, is not what I expected to do with this year.  Skiing makes me despise the cold for making the experience of skiing so unwanted.  Skiing makes me despise the snow for making the ground beneath my feet harder to balance while skiing.

Two days already on winter break (sorry for those still working or in school) and I've felt a warmth that I wasn't expecting to feel this "cold" school year.  Let me show you using three pictures from the past three days.

This is the last day of school before break for students at North Shore Elementary, where I volunteer twice a week.  The music teacher (in the Santa hat) brought the entire school in the cafeteria and each grade performed a song they'd been working on.  Normally I see the kids in a classroom setting, working hard, concentrating, getting disciplined, but to see them smiling and laughing all the way ha ha ha was something very beautiful.  I know magic isn't real but the very definition of joy seemed to manifest into something physical and visible.  Warm.

This is Diallo.  Perhaps you recognize him from previous blogs the past couple years.  He is now in middle school, no longer in the two:fiftytwo After School Program for only 2nd-5th graders.  He is involved with Connect, our new middle school program and he is growing in so many ways.  Even though I don't get to see him every day this year, it's been great to continue building into him the few times I do him.  We're not supposed to have favorites, but he's one of mine.  Here he is at the beach yesterday where some of us went fishing in the ocean.  Those are not snowballs, it's foam from the waves (yes, I realize he is still in shorts and a T-shirt, it was rather nice out).  He was preparing to get me with the foam.  He did.  But he should've known I'd chase him down the beach and get him back.  He's a lot of fun and it's awesome to still hang out with him and see how God is filling him with love and leadership.  Getting warmer.

Here are Emery and Kyle fishing.  Kyle, in whose age I'm close to, is teaching Emery, who is also in middle school now and was previously in our after school program, how to cast.  (Sorry for the long and weird sentence).  We used live shrimp in hopes of catching some big fish.  I'm not ashamed to say this, but I had no idea what shrimp looked like alive.  These were huge, not to mention unfried.  Both Diallo and Emery weren't fans of getting them out of the bucket, or hooking them for that matter.  For those of you who fish, you probably have an understanding for the patience and relaxation fishing forces on you.  People who rely on fish for their food amaze me.  I'd have to have a huge faith in God's provision for sure.  The past couple days have been relaxing without having to be responsible for planning, teaching, disciplining, etc.  Even warmer.

Just living life with these young men is like sledding to me, what I'd rather be doing all the time, but I know God has me skiing for a reason unknown to me.  Maybe I'll be great at skiing.  Maybe he's humbling me.  Maybe I'm almost at the bottom of the mountain.  Maybe there's a sled at the bottom.  Maybe better skis.  One thing's for sure, I love the cold.  I love the snow.

This year for Christmas, I'm giving a resignation to myself from myself.  If I want to sled and God wants me to ski, Lord be my strong foundation to keep my balance, Lord be my protection from the wind and the cold, be my second ski, get me to the bottom how you want me to, as an obedient child of yours.  Found it.

Merry Christmas.  I pray your spirits be made bright by the light that denied his powerful place to become a baby in a manger born from a virgin.  Enjoy family, friends, and finding some warmth from the cold.

Light up the Darkness

Experience breeds improvement.  A couple weeks ago, we hosted our fifth annual Family Fall Festival.  There were over 1,000 in attendance, enjoying all the trunk games, hot dogs, nachos, pickles, boiled peanuts, cake walk, bounce house, kickball, music, egg walk, and most important, CANDY!  This was the biggest festival we've ever had.  We made lots of connections with organizations, schools, parents, and churches.  Every volunteer had their role.  Restocking cars with candy, picking up trash, serving food, setting up tables, running games, making sure that the neighborhood felt loved and served.  Here are some pictures from the event.
http://www.2ndmile-jax.com/photos/family-fall-festival-2013/

We got to see many students again that attended our summer day camp, families were asking if the ministry did stuff throughout the school year that their kids could either volunteer for or be a part of.  As a result, quite a few people signed up for more information about Connect, our middle school program, and we even got another student signed up for the two:fiftytwo After School Program.  Thanks again for all the prayers about this recruiting.  It has been a challenge but God has been providing us with willing and grateful parents desiring to have their kids go to "camp" throughout the school year.  I mentioned last blog that we signed up a girl named Khamari who was at summer day camp.  About two weeks ago, Jashawn (jay-SHAUN) was signed up to be a part of our program.  He's in 4th grade and was also at the summer day camp.  Jashawn stutters when he talks.  The times that he can talk fluently, unfortunately, are when he's name-calling, and this boy has a large repertoire of options.  It's almost kind of like a tick, where even if he tries to control it, he can't.  He generally has good attitude and genuinely wants to follow directions, I feel, but it's difficult for him.  Please pray that the name-calling would stop, that he wouldn't be a bad influence on the other students but would cause them to help him be a leader rather than follow his example.


Tonight, we will be hosting a vision dinner here at North Pearl Baptist Church in the courtyard.  The dinner is to spread awareness of not only the ministry but more importantly, how the building next to church will be used as a community center once renovations are complete.  To prep this week, we've had to set up lights, since the event will be outside, we will be setting up tables, chairs, picture boards showing different aspects of the ministry.  It's hard to anticipate what the evening will exactly look like, unsure of exactly how many guests, unsure of weather (although it doesn't look like it'll rain, might just be a little chilly), (also, in Florida, the word "chilly" can be translated as below 60 degrees), and I don't exactly know what the table set-up will be.  Despite everything unknown to me, I know God will be present and He will be ultimately in control of it all.  He knows the exact day that all the funding for the building will be raised.  He knows who will show up, who will give, whose hearts the event will touch.  Much like the Family Fall Festival, everyone involved has their part to play in this event.  The members of North Pearl Baptist Church are stellar on their southern cooking.  I can smell the collard greens just in the other room right now as I type in our office.  Musicians, parking attendants, flashlight tour guides, speakers, a preacher, greeters, and food servers.  As we string Christmas lights throughout the old naked and leaky building, I can't help but think about the beauty that lights create.  Despite lots of water on the nasty dusty floor, the Christmas lights double in the reflection.  What would normally look like a scene from a haunted house movie will look like a warm and inviting place to walk around and drink hot chocolate.  The courtyard has strings of lights running across it, making a dead basketball court cement slab look like a classy outdoor dinner party.

The inner city closest to you may not be a place you'd actively go to hang out.  It might be scary to think about what bad thing might happen to you should you be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.  It is my hope, not only at this dinner, not only through writing these blogs, but also through the way my ministry family and I live that we'd be able to bring light out this darkness.  Wherever God is, His light is there also.  Just because a lot of very evil things occur in this neighborhood does not mean it's any darker than a place where not as much crime happens.  Sin is everywhere, but thank God that He is too.  "Urban" and "inner city" have so many negative connotations.  Hopefully, we can show you at some point and not just tell you about the many beautiful and bright things already in this community.  Please pray for this dinner to be memorable, as it's right in the building's courtyard, that the right people come, and that we'd be trusting in God's provision and timing for all of this to come together.

Mine Before Pearl's

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." 

If there's one trait that I've been fortunate to have it's being slow to speak.  I'm not always slow to judge or slow to anger, but I know how to keep my mouth shut.  I also know how to not speak when it is probably best to say something, so definitely not perfect.  I recently watched Dead Poet's Society and this quote opened up a new world to some private school students.  One of their teachers, Mr. Keating, was once part of this society that read poetry and "sucked the marrow out of life."  He went against the flow, encouraging the students to be free-thinkers.  Ripping pages from text books.  Standing on tables.  Kicking soccer balls while reading lines from poetry accompanied by classical music.  Walking uniquely in the courtyard.  Basically, breaking rules but not laws.  Questioning truth but not denying it.

I've realized in the past few months of ministry that a lot of my thoughts and actions reflect the pride and selfishness that were evicted by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ but still claim false residence in my heart.  I'm very "me" focused.  My job, which is supposed to be about serving and helping others, has morphed into a monster that feeds on everything and everyone around me for my own meaning and life.

I live in Jacksonville, FL.  In the Brentwood neighborhood.  Pearl World.  22nd and Pearl St.  A couple years ago, I named this blog Pearl's Before Mine meaning that I wanted to live in Pearl World and serve the interests and well-being of this neighborhood before my own.  Where that was the initial heart and mission of mine, it has been reversing and only now I am realizing this switch with my own eyes.  My hope is to go back and revisit the origins of my decision to go to the woods and live on purpose.  Growing up where the majority of people are like me made it easy to believe everyone and every place in the world had the same values as I had.  Now, living where most people are not like me, seeing the world through others' eyes has allowed me to understand life just a little bit more.  It's not about me.  I don't know or have the right answer to the right thing to do in every situation in every part of the world.  It's been easy for me to be quick to listen and slow to speak because there's so much that I don't know.

If you've seen Dead Poet's Society, who do you identify with?  Are you one of the board members of the school who wants everyone to follow the rules and not question the "perfect" system set up?  Are you like Mr. Keating, wanting to encourage the next generation to not fall into the norms of the world and find truth?

In moving to Jacksonville, I don't want you to think that it was a defiant or even deliberate choice to try to be different or even find the meaning of life.  I have already found life.  (John 14:6)  I was simply being led to a place different from my upbringing in order to love and serve and see grow a community that learns about Jesus and falls in love with him.

Going against the flow has nothing to do with wanting to disrupt the flow or judging those in the flow; it is because we know in our hearts that there is more to just doing what we want, more to just accomplishing goals and then striving for better, longer, higher, stronger.  It's as if we fear letting go of our faith in ourselves.  I can remember from middle school reading Where the Red Fern Grows and a raccoon is caught in a trap because it's holding on to a shiny piece of silver (I think).  To get free all it has to do is let go and its paw won't be so big and stay trapped.

Todd Anderson, a quiet student, wanting desperately to get out of this trap of being unable to speak and feeling worthless, finally decides to let go of everything his silence has made him believe.  In probably the most powerful ending to a movie I've seen, he literally stands up for his recently fired teacher Mr. Keating, not to defy the very angry replacement who commands him to sit down, but out of a love for Mr. Keating helping him let go. (a clip to explain http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLFQYbjYsso)

As I struggle with living for just myself, please pray that the proddings of the Holy Spirit, which often suggest I do or say something that will disrupt the norm, would help build my faith to trust in Him so that He would be glorified and would use me to bring others closer to Him.

A few things to be praying for:
-Oct. 26th is our 5th annual Family Fall Festival!  Pray it serves the community well, that it wouldn't rain, and that it'd be a safe event.
-Nov. 14th we will be hosting a Donor Dinner to help raise awareness as well as support for the building that will hopefully soon be transformed into a community center.  Pray that the right people would come and that the amount of funds would come in that would allow contractors to begin working.
-Nov. 16th will be our community action day where anyone is welcome to help mow lawns, pick up trash, weed, edge, etc.  Pray that the community would be blessed by those who come help.

Answer to prayer:
-Khamari, a 4th grade girl from North Shore Elementary has recently joined our program and is doing great.  Thanks for the prayers!

Five More Seconds

Do you ever have those stretches of time where every minute of your day is devoted to something in your schedule?  Perhaps you work from nine to five, then after work, you buy groceries, then until seven, you cook dinner for four, then you do dishes, catch an episode of a TV show, or if you’re like me, play some music until it’s too late to stay up any longer, go to bed, and repeat in the morning.  Recently, I’ve even found my weekends, my supposedly free days filled with scheduled tasks or engagements.  At nine, go to the church for some street clean-up work, at one, think about all the things you need to get done to be prepared for the next week, at six, socialize, I mean, fellowship with some friends for some volleyball, after that, an impromptu visit to a nearby restaurant.

The free time that I do have, I feel anxious for no reason, like I’m supposed to be working on some project, preparing this, planning that.

Have you ever intentionally walked to a place that you normally drive to?  Perhaps it’s a mile away, maybe more.  What would conveniently take an eight-minute drive now takes an hour to walk, but you don’t care.  You haven’t a thing do work on, prepare, or plan for.  You may see unique and intricate house designs.  If you’re in Florida, you’d probably see lizards here and there scurry out of your way.  In Wisconsin, these would most likely be chipmunks or squirrels.  In a car, you drive past pedestrians in a matter of seconds maybe thinking, “If they had a car, they could get so much more done.”  As a pedestrian, cars come whizzing past you in a matter of seconds and you might think, “Everyone is always in a hurry,” or maybe, “If only they knew how lucky they are to have a car.”  When I drive those places where I’ve walked long distances, I remember the walk and how even though the drive is quicker, my soul was more at ease during the walk.  I need to slow down.

It is so easy for me to make a to-do list where 100% of the things on the list pertain to ways to make my life better.  They are all about me and my life.  Perhaps your to-do list is similar—about your life, your family, your career.

Remember a time when you held your breath underwater, for a casual lung capacity contest with a friend or maybe just to look at a whole new world with the help of some big honkin’ goggles.  Anyway, at some point, your brain tells you, “Ok, it’s time to come up for air soon.”  You want to take advantage of every moment under the surface so you fight this instinct a little longer, and a little longer, five more seconds.  The longer you wait, the more your brain beats up your intellect, commanding obedience.  This is the only way I can really convey how I’m feeling at this current moment with life.  I’m at the point where I fight the need for oxygen in order to stay in a world where I don’t belong.  Colossians 3:1-2 says, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”  How true it is when Jesus tells us to come to Him, and He will give us rest.

You haven’t seen me above the surface in a few weeks, but perhaps you really haven’t connected with me in a real way in months, maybe years.  Maybe you and I had a really deep conversation, one that you can’t remember the details but you remember God was there.  Maybe you and I used to talk all the time, but now you’re lucky to hear my voice anymore.  I sincerely want to apologize if you are one of these people.  I’ve been living according to what is expected of me from people first and God second.  I’ve been trying to maintain some normalcy in my busy schedule of a life that I forget that there are other people in the world to love and put before me.

Lord, please don’t let this desire to love others run dry.  Let my decisions transform into movement and action.  Change my good intentions to acts of Christ-like love.

...forgive us our trash baskets...

Thank you for your prayers for the past couple weeks.  Life at the after school program has definitely had its set of challenges, but there have also been many rewarding glimpses of how God might work this year.  We started the school year with ten kids (seven returning students and three new).  Two of those three new students, both sisters, have switched to a new program in order that more of that family could be dropped off at home all at the same time.  These students who left us, we learned, used to live closer to the program but moved further away before the school year started, and their mother, whose van is broken down, needed help getting all her kids dropped off at home.  If you can continue to pray for Jaykia and Kaylee as they continue getting used to changes in their lives, that'd be awesome.  Kaylee always was so excited to pray during Bible time and Jaykia would always begin Bible time with a "Yeah, we get to learn about God!"  It's sad that they've left, but we are excited to see if and when God will lead us to serve more families in the neighborhood, considering our current number of eight students.

I know it sometimes difficult to pray for names of people that you've never seen or heard of before but I'm going to challenge you to pray for one of the following names for the next week.  These are names and faces that God's been putting on my heart to seek out and invite to be involved in our program.

Antwon is a 2nd or 3rd grade boy that I see at the park every once in a while and he attends Brentwood Elementary, one of our neighborhood school partnerships.  He's always quick to play and he is fast enough where I have to actually work hard to catch up to him when playing football.
Khamari is a 4th grade girl who came to camp this past summer and during stretches for our sports station, I'd always challenge her to see who could stand on one leg and move the least.  She is classmates with another two:fiftytwo student, Tommieyah, and we were surprised to see she switched schools and goes to North Shore Elementary, our second school partnership.
Jovan is a 2nd grader at North Shore.  He came to camp this past summer and was very active, sometimes a little too energetic.  I know nothing about his academics but I know his teacher is awesome and could definitely get me in touch with his family if that's the way we want to go.

As far as current after school program students go, we've seen lots of improvement in them understanding what we expect from them.  Every day, there's usually one kid that just seems to be having a rough day.  Defiance comes in waves and it's very easy to take disrespect personally.  One thing that God has been revealing to me and challenging me with lately is how quickly I run from conflict, from challenges.  How often do my prayers plead with God, "Lord, please help change this circumstance so it's easier.  Lord, please make leading this after school program easy.  Lord, just have the kids all behave today so I can have peace about life."  Can you relate?  Andrew Murray (look him up) wrote a book called Humility in which he mentions in one chapter how sometimes we need to be grateful for crummy situations because God may be wanting to sanctify you and humble you so that He is all you need.  It's weird to pray, "Thank you God that Mekhi never followed a single direction I gave today," or "You are a good God for allowing Chassidy to scream her head off and disrupt all of homework time."  It's hard but it definitely makes those situations more endurable when I know God is there with me, sharpening me.  In movies, you see swords being forged with  iron or steel blades, put through fire and then beat into shape before their hardness, strength, flexibility, and balance are mastered.  God does the same with us.

If we are unwilling to let God put us through "fire" or intense hammering and pounding, how will our old and trashy sword ever defeat the enemy?

James 1:2-4  "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  Not lacking anything.  Lacking nothing.

Lord, forgive me of the times I want your blessings more than I want you.  All my righteous deeds are like filthy rags when they are done for my own benefit and not to serve you.  They are just garbage.  I'm sorry if I complain about things that you have in mind for my good.  Help me to trust you more.


[Just for fun]
God has made us so unique.  Here's a picture of an activity we did last Friday with a flashlight and some colored paper.  Can you guess which one is me?

(Top row: Mekhi, me, Charity.  Bottom row: Chassidy, Ms. Deirdree, Challah)

Our Daily Breath...

It was 7:15pm on Tuesday, an entire 45 minutes after the kids got dismissed and left for home.  I was 15 minutes late for Bible study at my house, yet did not allow the normal guilt of feeling late overtake me.  I could have easily gotten a ride home from the church from a coworker, but I chose not to.  Walking home, taking the slow rout while dribbling my basketball and thinking about the past few hours of stress, I began to wonder if I'm cut out for this, if the rest of the year would be like this.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting the chance to invest in kids lives and show them more about God's love for them....but these kids?

I got to my home door, lights on, maybe 20 people crowded in our living room already listening to the pastor's words about Jesus, the bread of life (John 6:25-59).  I went to my room, dropped the basketball, threw my book bag on the bed, took my Bible and pulled up a chair in the way back of the circle, alone with my thoughts, not really listening to the message.  Nobody there went through what I just went through.  I had a legit reason for not talking to anybody and just sitting there with my thoughts, right?  "And the Israelites were commanded by Moses not to save any of the manna until morning.  But they did not listen.  They didn't trust in the bread that the Lord had given them to eat which was just enough for that day."  I started to listen, feeling like God was trying to get through to me.  The pastor and others in the living room began discussing Jesus in John 6 when the people saw him at the other side of the lake and asked, "When did you get here rabbi?" (vs. 25)  One thing that's awesome about Jesus is that he rarely directly answers questions, he answers the questions that people should be asking.  Jesus answers, "Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.  Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval." (vs. 26-27)

I feel entirely underqualified to lead, even co-lead, the two:fiftytwo after school program.  I'm not vocal, I don't command a presence of discipline or structure, and I'm not a great speaker.  I don't doubt that God has given me gifts that He can use and has used in kids' lives.  I get that.  But after the first week of school, I really don't know what to do different and can't turn to anyone that has more specific experience with these certain kids' behaviors.  I realize I want God to help me coast through the school year, give me my cumulative bread from every day this year and pile it into a storehouse so I know it'll be there.  But that bread will rot, and as Exodus 16:20 says, will be covered in maggots and begin to smell.  I feel so day to day right now.  I do trust God to give me strength to last Monday, patience to last me Tuesday, self-control to last me Wednesday, and so on.  Each day I must rely on God for peace and joy, despite being put in very sad and screamy situations.  Why ask for more than what God wants for me.  Could God give me more than my daily bread if He wanted to?  Well sure.  But why doesn't He?  It might be that I become more worshipful of the bread and myself than the giver of the bread like those in John 6 wanting the bread that Jesus gave instead of wanting the bread of life, Jesus himself.

Although we don't have to make the decision on whether or not to trust God with our next breath, He gives it to us anyway.  Our lungs can only hold about a breath's-worth of air.  If they stored an entire day's-worth of air that we needed, can you imagine how big of lungs we'd need?

I would love for you to pray for two of the girls in our program.  Charity (5th grade) and Chassidy (4th grade) are sisters and are becoming very defiant.  It's very difficult to get a hold of their father since he's very busy working or looking for work.  To give you a picture of what we've dealt with this week, most directions we give are met with talking back by Chassidy, especially when she's in that mood.  No matter what you say, she will talk back, in some cases scream back.  There's a lot of hurt and fear in her and she is not very trusting of anybody.  Please pray for them.  Charity has shown more attitude with age but also gets messed with at home by her sister.

Once again, I apologize for the infrequency and inconsistencies of these blogs.  Please forgive me.  It's been very busy around here.

What about God?

Out of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, which one of these three do you think about the least or know the least about?

If you said God the Holy Spirit, I'm right there with you.  Often I try to use the Holy Spirit as if he's some magical force that I can summon within myself to make my life better.  I know it sounds kind of ridiculous, but when asked how to approach the topic of the Holy Spirit, it's sometimes difficult to describe him, especially to someone who doesn't believe in God to begin with.  So you're saying this Holy Spirit is invisible and lives inside you?  Kind of frustrating and even makes me question how clearly I understand the Holy Spirit.

I'm reading a book called "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan which talks all about the Holy Spirit and common misconceptions about Him.  Just recently, I read part of a chapter that I want to share with you but first, I want to ask you one question.  Please take some time to answer it in your head, in your heart, out loud with someone or even just talking to yourself.  How would you describe how your relationship with God is going right now?

The following is an excerpt from "Forgotten God".



"'For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spriti of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba!  Father!'  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.' (Romans 8:15-17)

I don't know where you are as you read this.  Perhaps you're tracking 100 percent and just want to voice your affirmation.  If that's you, then I say, 'Amen!'  Maybe you are reading this and are thinking, Well, I just don't experience that kind of intimacy with God...the Spirit in me never cries 'Abba!  Father!'  If this is you, I don't have a four-step guide to connecting with the Holy Spirit.  I would, however, like to suggest two potential obstacles for you to consider: comfort and volume.

Comfort (Maybe Your Life Is Too Safe)
From my own experience, I have felt closest to God when nearness to Him was a necessity.  The Bible says that the Spirit comes through in situations where we would normally be afraid (Luke 12:11-12).  We experience the Holy Spirit guiding us in desperate situations, such as being placed on trial for the gospel (in some countries), when we are asked why we believe in a God that allows ______ (fill in the world's most recent tragic horror) to happen, or when we receive a totally unexpected phone call that a close family member has died.

Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the 'Helper' or 'Comforter.'  Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience His being 'with you always, even to the end of the age' (Matthew 28:20 NASB).  Though this verse is true for all believers (of course God is always with us), if we are never alone or feeling like we need Him, how much do we care or need to know that God is with us?

I recently had dinner in Seoul, Korea, with an amazing man.  He was one of the twenty-three missionaries who were held hostage by the Taliban in Afghanistan in July 2007.  For those who don't recall the story, the Taliban executed two of the missionaries before a deal was reached with the government of South Korea and the missionaries were released.

This man told me about the horrors of being locked up in a  cell, knowing that martyrdom was a strong possibility.  He also shared about the amazing time they had on the last day they were all imprisoned together (their captors later divided them into groups of three and took them to remote areas).  Each of the twenty-three missionaries surrendered their lives to God that night and told Him they were willing to die for His glory.  There was even an argument over who would get to die first.  One of them had a small bible that the missionaries secretly ripped into twenty-three pieces so each could glance at Scripture when no one was watching.  The Word of God and the Spirit of God got them through the forty days of imprisonment.

One of the most fascinating things this man told me was about what has happened since.  Now that they have been back in Seoul for a while, several team members have asked him, 'Don't you wish we were still there?'  He tells me that several of them experienced a deep kind of intimacy with God in the prison cell that they haven't been able to recapture in their comfort.

This is the precious gift of intimacy the Holy Spirit offers us.  It is a security that is priceless and worth any loss of safety and comfort, even imprisonment by the Taliban.

Volume (Maybe Your Life Is Too Loud)
Multitasking has become the norm.  When was the last time you had an uninterrupted conversation with anyone?  No phones, text messages, or to-do lists running through your mind.  It's so rare nowadays to be able to look someone in the eye without interruption or distraction.  A while back, I found myself talking on the phone, emailing on my laptop, and playing Wii with my daughter all at once.  In my quest to accomplish much, I've lost the art of focusing on one thing or one person.  This in turn has affected my prayer life, as I'm sure it has affected yours.  I find it harder to simply be with God, to focus only on Him while spending intentional time with Him.

While Jesus didn't have to deal with emails, voice mails, or texts, He certainly understood what it meant to have multitudes of people pursuing Him at once.  At any given moment of the day, people were looking for Jesus.  Because of the priority of His relationship with His Father, He found ways to escape.  He took the time to focus and be quiet (Mark 1:35).  He was willing to remove Himself from people's reach in order to pray and commune with God the Father.  Our lack of intimacy often is due to our refusal to unplug and shut off communication from all others so we can be alone with Him.

In the craziness of our world, it takes tremendous effort to find a quiet place.  It takes time to quiet your mind and your heart before the Lord.  It means turning off the music, the television, or your cell phone.  It might mean going outside to your favorite spot.  For some, this is curling up inside in the only place where you find privacy.  For others it might mean heading to whatever wilderness is nearest to you or booking a few days at a local retreat center.

I don't know exactly what it will look like for you to be still before the Lord.  But I do know that no matter what your personality, it is a spiritual discipline to be still, to listen, and to cut out the distraction and din of our world.  And as we practice this stillness, this waiting, this being, it is then that we can experience deep intimacy and relationship with the Holy Spirit.

For some of you, reading this book could be a form of noise that keeps you from Him.  Maybe you already hear lots of sermons and read plenty of books.  What you need is direct communion with Him--to hear directly from Him and to speak directly to Him.  Rather than reading my words, listen to His.

Right now I want you to take a break and open your Bible to the book of John.  Read chapters 14 through 16 and give yourself some space to soak in the words you read.  Notice particularly how Christ desires that His disciples have peace and how He comforts His disciples with the truth that they are not left alone.  Part of His answer to how we are to have peace and be comforted is through the provision of the Holy Spirit, the other Counselor, who He promised would come once He left."


(Me again)
Another long blog post.  I thank you if you faithful to reading all that I'm processing.  I pray that you are encouraged and challenged each time I type.  I'm will hopefully get into more of a rhythm once the school year starts again.  Soon I'll write a ministry update and what's been going on the past few weeks.  Please, if you haven't already, consider what Francis Chan wrote in the previous paragraph.  Take the time to read John chapters 14 through 16.  I did and God is definitely opening my ears and my heart to know more of Him.  Like any relationship and many marriages I'm told, there reaching a point where the relationship goes from wanting as much time with someone to just be around them and get to know them  to  always wanting them to do something for you.  Please pray for my heart to want to just be with Jesus and sit at His feet and follow Him.