I got to my home door, lights on, maybe 20 people crowded in our living room already listening to the pastor's words about Jesus, the bread of life (John 6:25-59). I went to my room, dropped the basketball, threw my book bag on the bed, took my Bible and pulled up a chair in the way back of the circle, alone with my thoughts, not really listening to the message. Nobody there went through what I just went through. I had a legit reason for not talking to anybody and just sitting there with my thoughts, right? "And the Israelites were commanded by Moses not to save any of the manna until morning. But they did not listen. They didn't trust in the bread that the Lord had given them to eat which was just enough for that day." I started to listen, feeling like God was trying to get through to me. The pastor and others in the living room began discussing Jesus in John 6 when the people saw him at the other side of the lake and asked, "When did you get here rabbi?" (vs. 25) One thing that's awesome about Jesus is that he rarely directly answers questions, he answers the questions that people should be asking. Jesus answers, "Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval." (vs. 26-27)
I feel entirely underqualified to lead, even co-lead, the two:fiftytwo after school program. I'm not vocal, I don't command a presence of discipline or structure, and I'm not a great speaker. I don't doubt that God has given me gifts that He can use and has used in kids' lives. I get that. But after the first week of school, I really don't know what to do different and can't turn to anyone that has more specific experience with these certain kids' behaviors. I realize I want God to help me coast through the school year, give me my cumulative bread from every day this year and pile it into a storehouse so I know it'll be there. But that bread will rot, and as Exodus 16:20 says, will be covered in maggots and begin to smell. I feel so day to day right now. I do trust God to give me strength to last Monday, patience to last me Tuesday, self-control to last me Wednesday, and so on. Each day I must rely on God for peace and joy, despite being put in very sad and screamy situations. Why ask for more than what God wants for me. Could God give me more than my daily bread if He wanted to? Well sure. But why doesn't He? It might be that I become more worshipful of the bread and myself than the giver of the bread like those in John 6 wanting the bread that Jesus gave instead of wanting the bread of life, Jesus himself.
Although we don't have to make the decision on whether or not to trust God with our next breath, He gives it to us anyway. Our lungs can only hold about a breath's-worth of air. If they stored an entire day's-worth of air that we needed, can you imagine how big of lungs we'd need?
I would love for you to pray for two of the girls in our program. Charity (5th grade) and Chassidy (4th grade) are sisters and are becoming very defiant. It's very difficult to get a hold of their father since he's very busy working or looking for work. To give you a picture of what we've dealt with this week, most directions we give are met with talking back by Chassidy, especially when she's in that mood. No matter what you say, she will talk back, in some cases scream back. There's a lot of hurt and fear in her and she is not very trusting of anybody. Please pray for them. Charity has shown more attitude with age but also gets messed with at home by her sister.
Once again, I apologize for the infrequency and inconsistencies of these blogs. Please forgive me. It's been very busy around here.
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