To Be a Leaf

Last week was one of difficulty, but not because of outward circumstances.  For three of the five school days, our after school program director was out of the state at a conference.  What this meant for us was extra and unfamliar responsibility.  Planning, scheduling, putting specific kids with adults, main discipline, more parent conversations were all in store.  Normally when I can see any future changes coming involving me that would otherwise be excruciatingly uncomfortable, I tend to put them out of my mind and believe in my head that everything will be all right.  Coming off of a bad week previous, I was not anticipating a cake walk.  It would not be a piece of cake.  Why cake is used in analogies meaning "simple" I do not know.  I knew that any amount of planning on my part could not and would not take care of all the uncontrollable elements of every day.  Certain kids have good and bad days at the program and it's sometimes impossible to know what kind you're going to get.

This past week, I knew I would need to rely on God and trust Him that these three days undermanned would not ruin the lives of these eleven kids.  Wednesday started with me driving our huge 15 passenger white van alone to pick up the kids from Brentwood Elementary (turned out to be four kids that day).  They got in quietly, talked quietly and not rudely and the ride was amazing.  Normally, kids are yelling excitedly, jumping over the seats, not buckling up.  I thanked God.  Went to pick up more kids from North Shore Elementary, the rowdier bunch (six kids), and had an okay ride back to the church.  To not go into extreme details of the day, I will say that I had a positive outlook on how the kids were handling the different feel of having one less adult there.  Many of the kids really stepped it up, but there were a couple that had a lot of struggles.  Chassidy, who was in the program last year, did not want to play a particular game during academic time and, as she told her father at the end of the day, threw a small white board to the ground.  This led to more indignance (which I think is the correct word for what is perceived unfairness).  I will share a little more about her a little later.

I went to church Wednesday night and heard an amazing word preached.  This is starting to become a theme.  Dr. Ralph D. West preached on John 3:1-8.  The story of Nichodemus and Jesus.  It was a powerful message with a ton of information, but what really came through to me was verse 8.  The verse says, "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it goes.  So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."  Ruwach.  (ROO - ock).  A Hebrew word meaning wind, breath, spirit.  The Dr. said the word like the sound of the wind.  The Holy Spirit will do as He pleases.  He might be a gentle breeze or a full-on storm.  The question asked the congregation--Are you holding onto a pole trying not to be moved by the wind?  This question hit me square in the heart.  Am I?  I've got to be honest, it is often times difficult for me to look deep into the mirror and see my own faults, and I have been trying to avoid answering this question all week.  But I can't escape it.  When I'm convicted to obey God with my whole day, every moment, do I follow through?  The Dr. rode this wind analogy a bit and started to compare a devout and humble Christ-follower to a floating leaf that moves every direction the air's breath directs.  Much like riding a wave, you can't create it yourself.

There are many poles in my life that I'm unwilling to trust God to let go of.  I tend to hold on tighter when the wind picks up or blows a different direction than the way I want it to.  This past week, praise the Lord, had many good things happen that we could not take credit for or even begin to understand how they happened.  Not being very good at discipline, I feared having to deal with Chassidy the day she went berzerk.  Anything the adults would say to her, she'd have a quick biting comeback and would listen to nobody.  Her dad came to pick her and her sister Charity up.  Being on "Parent Contact", the lowest spot on our discipline chart, we have the kids tell their parents why and how they ended up down there.  Chassidy, her fiery attitude turned cold, looked at her dad and confessed her tantrum and what she did that day.  In a soft voice she uttered, "I threw the board because I didn't want to play that game anymore."  She looked as if tears were on the way.  The father told her he would have a "talk" with her when they got home.  I gotta tell ya, this dad loves her girls very much.  He is a very sincere and hard-working man when he gets work do to.  Thursday and Friday, Chassidy was doing everything she could to follow all our directions to the point, even when others would try to provoke her.

My heavenly Father crowns us with compassion, does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquity.  Confessing to God I believe is the result of realizing the depth of our disobedience.  Although I have no idea what was going on in Chassidy's mind at the time she told her dad, but it paints a good picture of the importance of specifically naming the things that we do or say that displease God.  Not "sorry Lord for all the sins I may have committed" but rather, "Lord, when I snapped in the van on Thursday out of anger, I wasn't trusting in your power and I'm sorry." (This might have actually happened to me.)

When you hear the voice of God, perhaps when reading His word or through prayer, I encourage you to take on the personality of a leaf that has fallen from a tree.  (No, the leaves on the Florida trees in Autumn are not as beautiful as up north unfortunately).  These poles that we hold onto might be sins we need to confess, fears we need to let God remove, idols that reveal we love something or someone more than our Savior.  From your poles, by the power of the Holy Spirit, you need to make like a tree...and leaf.

                                                    (Chassidy after a root beer float)