Steering a Parked Car

My brain hurts.  I feel like I've learned more in the last five days than in any particular year of my life.  Last Wednesday, I got to go to a conference that CCDA (Christian Community Development Association) put on in Indianapolis for people from churches and ministries all over the country.  Completely overwhelmed by all the different kinds of people, I knew it would be a week to remember.  Just a quick explanation of the conference.  Mornings and nights would consist of worship and listening to a plenary speaker who would talk about an aspect of developing Christians spiritually as well as equipping them to carry out different ideas for developing certain poor or oppressed communities in the U.S.  I am now realizing how incapable I am in explaining all I learned there.  Hearing people from many different backgrounds speak of their lives makes me think of how God so uniquely made all of us.  Everyone there had one thing in common though, a desire to love God and love your neighbor.  Going to this conference, I felt like Willy Wonka standing by that tiny door about to go into the main part of his chocolate factory (Gene Wilder version) and when it opens, the people become tiny compared to the door, entering a world unanticipated.  I came with my basket empty, not sure if I would be able to find enough to fill it.  Turns out, I'm standing in an orchard the size of Washington, not sure how to fill my basket with this unexpected overabundance of knowledge, experience, and wisdom.  I jumped in a river with a strong current unknowingly, and it has pulled me away to a different place of thought.  I'm still processing a lot of stuff but I will try to clearly convey as much as possible.

I wanted to hear God's voice this past week.  I wanted to be patient, but in my waiting, I forgot what I was waiting for.  There were a lot of booths with people's ministries and information on what exactly they do.  A sea of information exchange, accomplishment-sharing, advice-giving, and all I could do was absorb all I could, just swim in it.  A few times, Psalm 46:10 came up in sessions about hearing the voice of God.  First I have to be willing to hear it.  A.W. Tozer in The Pursuit of God speaks on God's voice saying, "The voice of God is the most powerful force in nature," and "we have trained our ears not to hear."  When obeying God's voice lays myself on the line, I don't naturally desire to change what I've grown used to.  Many occurences in our life are explained away as scientific or just logical.  This paragraph of Tozer's is beautiful to me.

When God spoke out of heaven to our Lord, self-centered men who heard it explained it by natural causes, saying, "It thundered."  This habit of explaining the Voice by appeals to natural law is at the very root of modern science.  In the living, breathing cosmos there is a mysterious Something, too wonderful, too awful for any mind to understand.  The believing man does not claim to understand.  He falls to his knees and whispers, "God."  The man of earth kneels also, but not to worship.  He kneels to examine, to search, to find the cause and the how of things.  Just now we happen to be living in a secular age.  Our thought habits are those of the scientist, not those of the worshiper.  We are more likely to explain than to adore.  "It thundered," we exclaim, and go our earthly way.  But still the Voice sounds and searches.  The order and life of the world depend upon that Voice, but men are mostly too busy or too stubborn to give attention.


Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God."  Quiet times are supposed to be just that....quiet times.  Shut up and listen to the voice of God.  There is nothing I can tell God or ask God that He doesn't know already.  If my relationship with God is to be a relationship, I have to be willing to let Him speak too, for His way is better than mine, and He cares a lot more than I do about myself.  But is listening and hearing the voice of God enough?  I think reacting, changing, and obeying that voice is key.  Many times, I want to be 100% sure I heard the voice of God before I do anything obedient to the Spirit.  I don't move.  With a ton of information gathered in my brain of knowledge, wisdom, and experience, I try to steer my thoughts, find truth in them.  Those "ideas" have little to no meaning unless I'm moving, even slowly.  I think it's very important to follow God in the little things so that He can entrust bigger things to you.  Luke 16:10 says, "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much."  Please pray that I would be living for Christ with more than just my thoughts and words.  I wish to join other swimmers, others with their cars driving in a direction, going somewhere.


As promised last time, here is another kiddo.  Alex is going to turn nine on Wednesday.  He lives across the street from where I live so sometimes after a long stressful day at the program, seeing one of the kids at home is not the most desired situation.  Alex is super smart, super impressionable, and super relational.  Good news: This could mean he would be easy to disciple, easy to teach, and easy to multiply himself amongst others.  Bad news:  This could also mean that he will be crafty in doing bad things, he copies bad behavior, and he could potentially bring others to his bad behavior.  Some days he is the best behaved, some days he is running away from the program and running his mouth with "He said what?!?" words.  He talks to us like an adult, has a ton of pride in him, will cheat in order to win, will do good in order to gain a reward.  I'm probably toughest on Alex because I see so much potential in him.  We play basketball sometimes.  He's like a little brother that is crazy but listens to what you have to say.  He came to two:fifty-two one day so excited to show me that he read two chapters in Psalms.  That gives me hope and joy.  He hides pain well.  He is better at lying than anyone I know and that scares me.  He desires to fit it, at the cost of any sense of right and wrong.  Pray for him.  Pray for his family who experiences a lot more than I'm used to.  I won't give details but it rough.  Alex is always amped up on life, always happy and excited (not always about the right things).


I guess I didn't really explain much about CCDA.  My mouth is full of water.  Let me swallow before I speak as to not lose any.  If I am to encourage you in any way, let me say this.  You are never too rich, poor, ugly, beautiful, old, young, white, black, left, right to not start following his voice.  Abraham was asked to demonstrate his faith by killing his son that he was given close to 100 years old.  He could've died and lived a greatly dedicated life to God.  He wasn't too old to call.  Love you all.  Put the car in neutral at least.