Collapsed

There was an artist that had the idea of painting a picture of the modern-day prodigal son.  (If you don't know the story of the prodigal son, you can go to Luke 15:11-32).  In order to capture the desperation and hopelessness of the prodigal son, the artist wanted to find a man who was down to his last dime of life.  He wanted a man who was dirty and grimy, clothes stained of tears and sweat.  He had to go all the way to downtown where many such men lived on street corners.  He came across one man, sitting on the ground, leaning up against the brick wall of a tall building, his knees pointing up through his ripped jeans, head buried in his hands, his puffy jacket making him look like a shivering ball, weeping.  The artist walked up to him, bent down and asked the man, "I'm an artist.  I was wondering if I could paint a picture of you.  Could I pay you to come down by my studio down the street tomorrow morning?"  The next day came, and with great anticipation of a beautiful time painting the prodigal son, the artist answered the knocks on his door.  It was the man but to the artist's surprise, there in the doorway stood a clean-shaven, shirt-and-tie-wearing man.  He wanted to appear nice in the picture.  The artist looked at him, disappointed and said, "I cannot use you."

This story was told at our church service last Wednesday.  The preacher went on to say how our church clothes (suits, fancy hats) can do an great job of hiding who we are, how we are actually struggling and imperfect people.  Something the pastor said made me imagine something.  If everybody came to church as they are, put their weaknesses, sinful patterns, struggles, and wore them on their sleeves, how different would the church be?  How much more would we comfort each other?  Encourage one another?  Show grace and mercy and love and forgiveness for each other?  How much higher would Jesus be exalted by the church as our Savior and Redeemer, the One who forgives our multitude of sins?

This morning, our church held its annual community outreach event which included providing people with a nice Thanksgiving meal, clothes and blankets if needed, and prayer.  I went to this event a year ago and met Wild Bill, who taught me what complete reliance on the Lord looked like.  He explained that if he got rid of everything he had, his sleeping mat, his clothes, his money, his cigarettes and walked down the street completely naked, he knew that God would provide for him.  That's trust!  As I arrived to the event, I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to help out with.  Throughout the day, I probably had at least 10-15 people ask me if I got a meal yet or if anyone has shared the gospel with me yet.  I know the church members were doing their job and making sure everyone was taken care of, but it was an interesting feeling to clarify, "No, I'm not here for a meal, I'm here to help."  It's safe to assume that if you are a white person at this event, you are one of the "least of these" and needed Jesus.  It was a very interesting and confusing day in that sense.  I was first instructed to ask any of the people who were eating if they needed anything, a carryout bag, another dessert, water, anything.  When it became apparent that very few of the eaters needed anything, I felt very useless.  I'm just a strange guy standing around looking confused.

I saw an older man, probably in his 80's, standing up, getting ready to leave.  We made eye contact and he motioned for me to help him with something, I wasn't sure what.  His words were slurred, his back was arched, he had a very used walker, a cane, and wore a baseball hat, winter jacket, and some 3D glasses you get at the movie theaters.  I could probably only understand every tenth word he said but I made out that he was blind (well, very poor eyesight), that he needed a blanket, and had a very long way to walk.  He has three bags with him.  One had a little blanket in it (he needed another for more warmth), the second had some clothes and personal items in it, and the third had two or three boxed meals that the church was passing out.  I carried the bags for him as we walked very slowly towards the clothing drive area.  Once David (the older gentleman) noticed the huge line and complex method of getting a ticket and waiting in line, he just wanted to get back to where he needed to go.  He looked very tired and defeated.  I asked if he would like a ride to wherever he was going.  He said yeah and his face started to change into a face that was about to cry.  I became clear to me that this man was running low on human contact and it seemed that a simple offer to me would mean something so much more to him.  I got the car, collapsed his walker and put that and his bags in the back seat as he got in front.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to understand his directions and thus be sent on a wild goose chase.  Luckily he gave me a pretty comprehensible description before we left.  As I dropped him off, I walked him to his "spot".  A couple cardboard boxes collapsed and broken down were his bed.  This area was behind a building, under an outdoor staircase, next to a small grassy field where many other homeless live.  I sat with David, put my hand on his back and just asked to pray for him.  As I prayed, his head looked down, mouth was opened, drool kept coming out, tears flowed. As I thanked God for loving this man deeply, I couldn't help but be touched as well.  David, through tired and surrendered lips spoke "He is the only way."

Sometimes my possessions make me feel like I need them, deserve them, earned them.  Do I really trust God for my daily bread?  Thank Him for aaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllll He has given me?  Nope.  I honestly forget many times.  David made the long walk to our church to get a meal and a blanket.  His one glance towards me and his asking me for help were probably difficult for this fragile man to ask.  His walk was very slow.  Each step no more than 8 inches.  Sometimes I feel too proud to ask anyone for help.  I understand my weaknesses and my struggles, yet try to cover it up or act stronger than I actually am.  I want to encourage you, whoever may be reading this, to go to God with every struggle, every sin problem, every worry, every concern.  Don't hide behind your job title, your worldly possessions, your family, your nice clothes, your comfort zone for the sake of fooling your surroundings.  I left David with 1 John 1:9 and I leave with you also.  "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

To Jesus, come as you are.

"As the deer pants...

Psalm 42
...for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?  My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'  These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.  Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.  My soul is downcast within me; there fore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon-from Mount Mizar.  Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.  By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me--a prayer to the God of my life.  I say to God my Rock, 'Why have you forgotten me?  Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?'  My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'  Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

Have you ever felt this way?  Have you ever had a pep talk with your own soul?  "Why are you downcast?" I've been trying to read a Psalm each day but when I got to this Psalm last week, it was difficult to proceed.  I have this desire to rely and trust God with all my heart and devotion.  There are so many things in my life right now that suffocate that desire.  If I give God the first hour of my day, looking to listen to his voice in his word, then what voices am I listening to during the other 15 awake hours?  When I think about what I think about, it is rarely with the desire to glorify God.  "Be joyful always," says 1 Thessalonians 5:16.  "Pray continually," continues verse 17.  "Give thanks in all circumstances," demands the verse after.  These verses, meant for direction and encouragement, can sometimes feel like impossible expectations in times where all I want to do is fight being joyful, keep from praying, and not think about all the blessings God has given me.

What is wonderful to know is that no matter how I feel, no matter what happens to me or my circumstances, God is in control.  It is in this unshakable truth that my faith is strengthened.  The day goes on.  His love keeps going.

This morning, I went to Shiloh (my church) to partake in a six-week Saturday morning series on authentic manhood, going deep in the Bible to discover what this generation of men is missing that Jesus has.  There were about 200 men that came to the early 7:30 a.m. study.  It was very refreshing and eye-opening.  This week's question to answer was, "Are you following the example of the first Adam (as in Eve's husband) or the example of the second Adam (Jesus Christ)?"  This morning explained how Jesus came to earth to fulfill everything that Adam failed at.  I could go into more detail about this morning and will perhaps another week.

I have a big prayer request.  I may or may not have mentioned this to you over the summer, but 2nd Mile Ministries is working on renovating a building right next to the church we partnered with for the summer day camps and after school program.  This building was only being used for storage of some of the church's lawn equipment and when asked if we could use the space for a possible community center in the future, they were very willing to let us take control.  Anyway, this Tuesday night, Nov. 13th, there is going to be a donor dinner held for doctors, lawyers, business men, etc. who could potentially add significant funds to the renovation process.  There has already been so much free volunteer work done on the building from high school kids to churches to members of the Jacksonville Jaguars.  There are before and after pictures at the bottom.  Please be praying for the speakers at the event to clearly communicate the vision of the ministry to our special guests and please pray that God would show us incredibly he provides for us.  This building is a much bigger space than the current bottom floor of the church where the program currently exists.  As the students we mentor now get older, it could be the perfect place for them to grow into middle-school students, and eventually into high school students.

A personal prayer request would be this...that I would grow to trust God more and more and know that his thoughts and plans for me are so much bigger and better than my own.  (Isaiah 55:8)

The name Andrew means either warrior or manly.  I pray that God would mold me into a man of him rather than the man of the world I often convey.

What the building looked like less than a year ago

Ceilings, partitions, fixtures out as of beginning of summer '12

Some Jaguars helped with demo

Current progress.  Still has leaky roof, broken windows, random light fixtures.

Instruments

On Friday, we went on our first field trip of the year to Memorial Park down by the river.  This park has been around since 1924, visited by many people over the years.  Lucky for us, it has a humongous field where we played kickball and capture the flag, both two:fiftytwo favorites.  It was unseasonably warm (I know, right?) but it was still a great time.  Afterwards, we drove back to the church where 10 medium pizzas and two gallons of Hawaiian Punch (brought by a student's mom) were waiting for us and any family and friends that wanted to join us.  It was an attempt to get to know families a little better and build better relationships with families we already knew.  There were 10 relatives and friends that came by to enjoy the pizza and drinks.

As we enter November, I'm excited to tell you that on Mondays at the after school program, we will be starting our unit about music.  This is something that I hope that will solidify in the programming in years to come as a regular time.  In case I haven't told you before, I graduated from the University of Wisconsin in the spring of 2010 with a degree in Viola-Performance.  Since school, I've gotten to play in the Dubuque Symphony as well as the LaCrosse Symphony (in Wisconsin).  A year after graduating, I continued to live in Madison to keep playing with the string quartet I was in.  String quartets are one of my favorite things to play because four instruments playing the same piece together, each with their own notes, their own roles, is so powerful when you are the one contributing to the music.  Sure, violists rarely get the attention; it's always those violinists who are heard the most.  But each instrument's voice is vital in the whole piece of music.  There are times to be a rhythmic support, there are times to be heard and times to let others be heard.  Performing with others was always enjoyable, I'd get goosebumps all the time listening to the sounds of the brass section shake the floor under my feet, the beautiful melodies in the violins and cellos.  While playing, I'd be like, "It's not about me and how I play, it's about playing my part with excellence by supporting, being heard, and letting others be heard."  There's no musical notation for selfishness and pride written into the music, just the expectation that each instrument will do their duty.

I don't plan on turning these kids from Brentwood into brilliant musicians who will one day seek out a career as a classically trained musician; however, I do hope that in the next few months that the volume of the  rhythms and melodies that God composed in them while they were in their mothers' womb would be turned on and turned up.  I'm excited to teach something dear to my heart.  Music is a powerful thing, once described as a way to experience God and communicate with him.  It changes lives and how people understand the world.  I've often compared a symphony orchestra with the body of Christ.  Some instruments get all the attention, some are hidden from the audience.  Some play high notes, some play low notes.  Does the tuba say, "Because I am not a violin and play such sweet high melodies, I am not part of the orchestra"?  Or the piccolo say, "Because I am not a french horn and play such powerful deep horn sounds, I am not part of the orchestra"?

When I'm around these kids every day after school, I see the ways they are similar, but the ways in which they are different are so clear, fearfully and wonderfully made.  As I think about the ways God could possibly use them in five, ten years in the specific ways that he made them, I just pray that these instruments get played to make a beautiful sound to our Lord.  Some of them are beaten up, their backgrounds not that impressive, not shiny, but they were made to make music.  Shouldn't they be able to perform and give back to their creator?  My life, your life all has a purpose.  I hope and pray for you that you would look at others and see that they have worth.  Every person that walks on the street, stands on the corner (especially in Brentwood), hides in the shadows, sleeps under the overpass was made and God loves them so so much.  Do we look at people like this as failures?  Dismiss them as hopeless and go on with our day?  How much would one kind word to these people change their day?

Please pray that as I teach music the next few months, that God would equip me with not just lessons about quarter notes and chords and dynamics but that He would help me every day to recognize that each of these kids sin but were made with purpose...to glorify and praise His name.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he has prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

We are his instruments.  How great a feeling it is to be played and utilized for His purposes!

Arrived at the park

Shadows

9:55am on Saturday, I pulled up to the parking lot of the Jacksonville Housing Authority in the huge 15-passenger white van decorated with spiders and their webs, black cats, smiling jack o' lanterns, and black bats.  I was alone in the parking lot, except for one stray cat that found the van to be quite intriguing.  Contrary to normal October weather in Florida, the morning was cool and breezy, perfect autumn day.  I looked at the empty lot imagining that it would soon be filled with cars, games, and hundreds of people.  Before the fun began at 1 o'clock, hot dogs needed grilling, big giant pickles needed packing, the big inflatable slide (yes, big inflatable slide) had to be transported, unrolled, and inflated, signs had to be hammered into the ground to direct cars and foot traffic, and then we'd be ready to go.

Earlier in the week, there was much anticipation at the after school program.  Every day I tried to ask some kids what ideas they had for a game they could make up for the van for this big event.  Some of their decoration ideas were pretty awesome, like painting the van black and then painting ghosts on it, but weren't very practical.  The anticipation was building and even I began to get excited for everyone that would be there.  I was very excited for Thursday to come because we were going to put the kids' plans into action.  However, there was a small glimpse on Thursday of something bigger and long-term that God has been doing in one of the kid's lives that I don't want to get overshadowed by blowing trees and falling leaves.

[Diallo, a 5th grader in our program was awarded the Student of the Month in his class and the school put on a nice catered lunch thing for the winners and their invited guests.  He asked me a couple times last week in passing if I could come.  I wanted to seem interested but I wasn't sure if I'd have time to go.  Anyway, I got some things planned ahead of time and got to go.  Mostly parents went to this thing but his mom wasn't able to go.  I felt honored to be invited and honestly always feel blown away by God's grace in how much these kids really shadow and attach to us at the program.  I arrive at the school, and again, Diallo exclaims, "Mr. Andrew!" and runs to me and gives me a hug.  Doesn't he know how flawed I am?  How weak I am?  How uncool I am?  As the principal read a paragraph from the students' teachers about those special October kids, it dawned on me why adults clapped at all those seemingly pointless awards ceremonies in school.  "Who cares if that random kid follows directions and only missed two days of school?" I used to think.  For Diallo, someone who a year ago could barely do addition or read simple words and often interrupted the class is now "improving his behavior, showing excellence in math, and making big jumps in reading."  It's cool to think about how a life can go from stagnant to full of life and growth in such a short time.]

Diallo and his principal at the Student of the Month ceremony (I sincerely clapped for all the kids)

So the students prepared on Thursday.  They wrote out plans for their game and decoration ideas, voted for their favorite, and then we brought their ideas to life.  Painted.  Taped autumn cutouts to the van (especially two well-placed bat cutouts on the hub caps).  They tested out the games, ran around outside, had a good last day of the week (no school Friday!).

Challah and Charity decorating

Ms. Dani, Tommieyah, Ferrell, and Chassidy painting

Fast forward to Saturday.  The once empty parking lot began to start trickling in some volunteer cars.  As 1 o'clock neared, even more cars arrived with games and candy.  Brother and sister Mekhi and Michaella were dropped off at the park and I was temporarily responsible for their whereabouts.  Normally talkative, hyper, and active, now were shy, quiet, and unfamiliar with this 2nd Mile festival.  We walked around to look at the petting zoo (consisting of a donkey, a small cow, a few goats, and a sheep), played a couple of the games and the siblings were surprised and excited to get rewarded with candy for throwing a ball through a hoop, or knocking over bottles with a basketball, etc.  As Charity and Chassidy (sisters also from the program showed up and said hi), the timidity and shyness slowly wore off and they were filled with energy to be guided by two that have been to the event before and could "show them the ropes."  It is interesting to me the idea of a shadow.  Always attached to the one with light showing on the other side, mimics everything.  Jesus' disciples were kind of like his shadows; Jesus is light and his followers were learning what it meant to be the light for others.  We as Christians, when striving to succeed in our own strength, fail to understand that we have someone who goes ahead of us who has a perfect will, perfect plan, and his work will be done, not ours.  I often fail to disown my ambitions and desires in my life for the sake of God's holy name.  1 Peter 1 has really encouraged me even in the past couple hours.

As I think back to this past weekend, the hugeness of this event, I can only give credit to God.  Relationships between neighbors and organizations and churches in the areas were started/strengthened/encouraged, the kids will only be that much more excited to come out next year and feel loved by their Creator, not just their community, not just 2nd Mile Ministries.

Thank you for your prayers.  Our God is mighty and awesome.  There will hopefully be a lot more pictures up on 2ndmile-jax.com soon.  God works in amazing ways.  Here is a testimony that blew me away today and reminded me of how merciful, loving, forgiving, and sovereign our Lord is.  This is part one of two.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvvClFSMIzA&feature=related

Michaella and Chassidy

Until next time, please continue to pray that big things would happen in Pearl World, in the neighborhood of Brentwood.  Honestly, my prayer life has been revealing how little I actually trust God with my every day.  If you find time, remember to pray for the ministry and those we relate to.  Sometimes I can feel the weight of Satan's lies and influences in the neighborhood as they seem to get closer and closer to my "safe bubble."

Our beautiful van

Family Fall Festival!

In less than one week, there could be over 700 people, 50 cars and trunk games, and lots and lots and lots of candy and hot dogs at our 4th Annual Family Fall Festival.  We are hoping to bless the Brentwood neighborhood with a fun, safe, and free day of food, games, and community togetherness.  One thing I love about this time of year is getting the word out.  Many of the 2nd Mile staff and volunteers spent some hours yesterday walking the many networks of streets, putting flyers in mailboxes, door handles, and fences that keep guard dogs in.  I was in Atlanta this weekend attending a wedding so I wasn't able to get back until this afternoon where a few of us who couldn't flyer yesterday, hit to the streets.  As we started off at North Pearl Baptist Church (on 30th St.), one in our group had mentioned, "Oh no, we forgot Challah!"  Challah is in our after school program.  This 3rd grader got permission to come help us flyer.  We walked to their place on 23rd St. and as our group of four got close, Challah's 5th grade brother Diallo came sprinting towards us...well, towards me.  Acting like I didn't see him coming at me, I quickly juked out of the way and he missed me.  Then he jumped on my back and said hello.  I rarely see any of the kids outside of the after school program.  The kids rarely see us outside of our "teacher/mentor" roles.  Both Diallo and Challah came with and we walked for about an hour, probably felt like a day to those of us with short kid legs and small kid patience.  Challah was so excited to hand a flyer to everybody she saw.  She even wanted to give one to the sewer.  Also, to a few dogs bigger than Challah that tried to attack me.  (Don't worry, chains and fences protected me).

What was really cool to hear about was the remembrances of last years festival by the kids who got a flyer this weekend.  Consistency, I've experienced, is one of the best ways to bless someone or some neighborhood and gain a sense of trust.  Some of the ways time and consistency have played themselves out in this ministry are as follows:

1. two:fiftytwo After School Program volunteers agree to commit to a particular day of the week.  This allows the kids to be comfortable with allowing adults to work with them.

2. At North Shore Elementary, our volunteer hours are consistent.  Tuesdays and Thursdays, they can expect me from 9am to 1pm to come in and do any extra work that may need to be finished.

3. Nine years ago, 2nd Mile Ministries began in Brentwood and its presence has, Lord willing, remained while other organizations/outreaches/good tries have failed to gain trust.

4. Three years ago, the Family Fall Festival began.  It has become an event that families can get excited about.

Face painting.  Apple bobbing.  Cake walk.  Kickball.  Costumes.  Candy.  Prizes.

Smiles.  Laughter.  Encouragement.  Relationships.  Serving.  Affirmation.  Joy.

The first list does not create the second.  Please pray that God would prepare the hearts of those working the event to be there to serve and love the community in a selfless way, a way that seeks nothing in return.  May God be glorified, not 2nd Mile Ministries or even the workers.

As we look to build the future leaders of the community at our after school program, it was encouraging today to see a togetherness of some of the students.  As our split-up flyering group joined together again, the other group picked up Ferrell (a 2nd grade boy in the program).  He's a big boy with all the funniest one-liners.  He lives on 27th St. so he must have seen the group walking and decided to join and help.  We stopped by Emery's house (former after school program student) and he was shy but smiled to see some familiar faces.  On our walk back to the car, getting ready to leave, we walked past Tommieyah (tuh-MEE-yuh), a 3rd grader in our program.  It must've been a beautiful day to be outside.  Thank you Lord that we got to see so many faces today when normally when we flyer, we don't get to talk to many people.

I'm pumped for next week.  Please pray!

Check out some pictures from last year's event

  http://www.2ndmile-jax.com/photos/family-fall-festival-2011/

Fatherlessness

To make the following blog post understandable, everything in italics will be credited to Amy Williams' power point presentation done at the CCDA conference this year in Minneapolis.  She is a "street pastor" who has 17 years experience with urban youth and gang prevention.  Everything not in italics will be my words.  This is a difficult truth to face, but I would encourage you to take a deep look at what it might be like to grow up without a father or father-figure.  You've probably at least heard it before that many kids living in poverty or inner cities often don't have their fathers around for whatever reason.  I tend to try and figure out where these fathers, or "baby-daddies" as they are called in Brentwood, go and for what reasons.  I rarely take the time to think about the babies and how they will experience life with one less parent.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." -Frederick Douglass

"Fatherhood must be at the core of the universe because the Creator of the universe is Himself a Father." - C.S. Lewis

-What is an absent father/How would you define absent?
-Why would a father not be involved?
FATHERLESS:
-Not having a father living, or lacking a father's protection;
-Not knowing the identity of one's father
-Fatherless is used to describe an individual who is devoid of a father or father figure in his/her life whether emotionally, or physically.
-Father absence refers to the varying degrees of physical or emotional absence of a father in the lives of the participants.

The Statistics
According to the 2009 U.S. Cenus Bureau, 24 million children in America - 1 out of 3 - live in biological father-absent homes.
The impact of fatherless homes.....
-71% of all high school dropouts
-85% of all youths in prison
-63% of youth suicides
-90% of all homeless and runaway children
-85% of all children who show behavior disorders
-Daughters of single parents without a father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

72.3% of Black, 65.8% of Amer. Indian/Alaskan, 35.7% of White, and 16.9% of Asian deal with fatherlessness.

Fatherlessness is nothing new: it's in the Bible!
The word 'fatherless' appears 43 times in the Bible, but only once in the New Testament.

God and the Fatherless
What does 43 references to the fatherless suggest to us about the level of God's concern for them?
God protects and defends the fatherless!
Exodus 22:22, Malachi 3:5, Zechariah 7:10, Jeremiah 22:3  (Please look these up and read if you have time, or type them into google).
We are called to defend and help the fatherless!
"Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy." -Psalm 82:3
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute." -Proverbs 31:8

How Fatherless View God
"...a generation of orphans who don't understand the love of a Heavenly Father because they have never had the love of an earthly father."
We all directly relate our Heavenly Father to our image of our earthly father...until our mind is renewed!

Before we get real deep...
YOU are not their Father!
YOU are not called to be their Father!
YOU are not even called to be a "substitute" father!
THEY HAVE A FATHER.

Fatherless Children
What Fatherless Children Desire and Need
-Maslow determined the basic human needs are:
     1. Love
     2. Acceptance & Approval
     3. Security
These needs are met by establishing and maintaining relationships within a family.
-There are also 3 more basic needs
The 3 A's:
-Affirmation
-Affection
-Attention

A Deep Desire to Discover their identity
-What is (or was) dad like?
-Am I worthy?  Why doesn't he want me?  What's wrong with me?
-Who am I?  Where did I come from?
-Do I look like him?
-Do I act like him?

Many youth tend to be confused about gender and roles within their own families because they have no role models to follow (mothers were both mother and father, nurturer and disciplinarian)

What are ways that youth tend to discover/seek out their identity?
A few examples:
-Joining gangs
-Through sexuality
-Overachievers
-Through violence/power (bully/mean girls)
-People pleasing
-Multiple Personalities/Experimentation
-Invisibility
-Control freaks (cutting, food, co-dependency)
-Look to media (reality TV)
-How other view them (positive/negative)
-Pregnancy
I can see how some of these examples might be playing themselves out in some of our fatherless after school program kids.

Major Reason for Joining gangs:
Gaining Self-Worth:
Gangs give "a place in society" to youths who do not get a sense of belonging from their parents of community.  By doing violent work, young gang members earn praise and attentino from the older members.

We need to teach youth who they are in Christ and how God sees them.
Psalm 139 is a perfect scripture to teach them that God is the one who determined their existence on Earth.  He used their parents as a "tool" to get them her.  THEY HAVE A PURPOSE!  THEY ARE NOT A MISTAKE!

If I ever do think of the kids without a father, I almost always have boys in mind and how not having a father in their lives will lead them along many similar paths of their actual fathers.  I don't want to forget about the girls though.  The following information is something I needed to learn and hear.

THE FATHERLESS DAUGHTER
-Dad is the daughter's first love!  He is the most important man in her life!
-A dad's interactions with his daughter sets her up for how she's going to relate to all other men and to God. (Father's define masculinity for their daughters.  A father's words, behaviors, and attitudes model manhood.)
-The two primary needs of a young girl are: Love and Security
-When a father makes it clear to his daughter that he loves her unconditionally, just for who she is, he lays the foundation for her healthy self perception.
-When he shows approval for how she looks and what she does, he validates her existence.
-When he makes her feel that she can depend on those who love her to meet her needs, she feels secure.

FIVE THINGS DAUGHTERS NEED FROM DADS:
1. Guidance:
   Men can bring an analytical approach to help clarify the picture and guide them along.
2. Encouragement:
  Affirming her verbally, showing she is worth the dad's investment time and energy.  Demonstrate confidence in her abilities.
3. Comfort:
  God wants dads to reach out in love, gentleness and touch the hearts of their daughters, showing more physical affection on an everyday basis.
4. Vision:
  A daughters' ability to achieve their potential depends in part on the dad's resolve to appreciate them and cast a positive vision for their future.
5. Protection:
  Men typically think of protection as defending their daughters' physical safety, however, there are also emotional, moral and spiritual dangers out there that need protecting.

Impact for the Fatherless Daughter
Fear of abandonment is the hallmark of the fatherless daughter.
-Directly linked are other emotional problems, including issues with: intimacy, sex, trust, commitment, shame, and most of all, anger.
-Makes it difficult for her to build healthy relationships with opposite sex
-Low self esteem and low self-worth
-Tend to seek worth and attention through dating/sex or perfectionism.

How she may view God
-The view of masculinity that a father projects influences how a daughter views God.  In a Father's relationship with his daughter, (to her) he mirrors the attributes of God the Father.
-A father gives his daughter her first glimpse of her image and understanding of the heavenly Father.
-A daughter, who does not feel safe with her earthly father, may find it difficult to open her heart to her heavenly Father.
-She may view God as unreliable, undependable, conditional with His love and not worth trusting, having no authority.

THE FATHERLESS SON
10 Side Effects of Growing Up Fatherless
1. A crisis of Identity.  Boys look to fathers in their search for self.
2. Silent anger.  Anger in its many shades is one of the deep-rooted side effects and it is often directed at the wrong people.
3. A need to belong.  Studies show that boys without fathers are more likely to join gangs.
4. Underestimating one's own value.  Boys without fathers are more likely to grow up poor.  Fatherless boys often feel as if they are not worthy and have no real value.
5. Misunderstanding character.  Without a father to model character, boys choose character traits from the world around (celebrities, pro athletes, popular musicians, or neighborhood contacts).
6. Lack of respect.  A father who does not show up for his boy epitomizes disrespect.  From fathers, boys need to learn respectful behaviors, including listening, trust, tolerance, politeness, and understanding limits.
7. The void.  Boys without fathers feel incomplete.
8. A lopsided view of sex.  Beyond having a vague understanding of the difference between sex and love, boys without fathers have many unanswered questions about sex.
9. Not enough love.  Boys without fathers often view love as vulnerability, and they have a difficult time trusting someone with their heart.
10.  Authority issues.  It's natural for a young person to transfer the hatred that he has toward the role of a "father" onto anyone who begins to fill that role in his life.

Rites of Passage
Three reasons why a rites of passage is important:
1. It creates an inward realization that a boy/girl has crossed over
2. It validates him/her in the community of men/women
3. It connects manhood/womanhood and spirituality

"Know that the youth needs a strong male influence.  They need someone to show them how to live a life for Christ.  For me, it was great when my (male) youth leaders would take me out and just chat; go out fishing, anything that a father would usually do with their child.  Sometimes it was just to offer advice and be able to answer questions.  I have a leader of mine from youth group who I think of as a legit father of mine.  He took me in under his wing.  He showed me how to be a good husband, serve others, love and more.  The fatherless fell like they aren't worth their father's time-which causes grief.  They just want to feel like they are worth someone's time, and that someone cares for them." -Zachary S.

For MEN Mentoring Fatherless BOYS
"To become a man, a boy must see a man.  But that man doesn't have to be his father.  In fact, ideally, it shouldn't be only his father.  Even if your son has a strong father or father figure in his life, he also needs a community of men who together can provide him with the varies models of what productive adult men do." -Dr. Leonard Sax, author of Boys Adrift

"We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one."

There is a ton of information and years of experience and observation of fatherlessness here.  I never would've thought that sometimes our perception of God can be related to the characteristics of your father until your perception is changed.  Currently, there are 11 students in two:fiftytwo (our after school program, Luke 2:52) and as far as I know, 3 of them have the consistence presence of their father.  Typical in the Brentwood neighborhood, I believe the statistic is around 80% of kids are fatherless.  It is not my desire to be any of these kids' fathers; however, I do pray that God would put it in my heart more and more to point them towards their heavenly Father.  God created them for a purpose.  A few of the boys have doubted their existence, anything special that they could contribute to society.

Alex and Diallo, fatherless boys, being pointed towards their heavenly Father

Alex "jumping the creek"

Diallo kicked our butts.

Disagree to Agree

How many times in the past few months have you been asked, Are you registered to vote? or Are you going to vote? or Who are you going to vote for??  It has come to my attention that this is a very important presidential election coming up, like all the other ones.  I've got to be completely honest.  I have very little interest in politics and I'm not going to vote for a presidential candidate this year.  I have heard convincing arguments for both candidates, others not so convincing, but I believe that the differing beliefs and values that people have are completely believed by those people.  Let's say candidate "A" believes 3+3=6 and candidate "B" believes 3+3=7.  Yes, one is right and one is wrong, but they both completely have faith in their answers.  In my mind, I've had a hard time being convinced that either of these candidates know the right answers.  There have been questions of adhering to the constitution, health care I hear is a big issue, the federal government's role, abortion is always an issue that weighs heavily into many American's choices.  "Of course, I know the correct answer to 3+3 is 6," some eager voters may say, but the question might be What is the capital of Uruguay? in which case the answer is not 6.

One of the biggest reasons I have had a difficult time getting involved with the political world is because I so often see a lack of communication between parties which results in a lot of bad-mouthing when people are isolated from the other side.  Have you ever talked about someone behind their back and then they awkwardly walk into the room and hear what you say?  I don't think that shows much integrity and I know I've done it.  There's an element of Which candidate will best suit my needs? or Which candidate will bring my family success? or even Which candidate will help my country improve?  The decisions we make as individuals, families, and as a government are often times selfish.  We rarely think about other people's needs first, other families' needs first, or other countries' needs first.  And how could we?  We know our situations better.  We are often isolated from different people.  Do you have any friends or family members that will probably vote for the opposite political party as you?  If you have ever had conversations about politics with this person, I bet at some point you believed completely in your heart that the other person just didn't have a clue at what was right.

A little less than two weeks ago, I came home to an envelope wedged in our door that had written Your Neighbor on the front.  Confused and anxious, I opened the letter, wondering if one of my neighbors wrote us a letter (seeing how I don't know many neighbors, this didn't exactly excite me).  Inside the envelope was a pamphlet and two free tickets to the Gracias Choir's holiday concert called "Christmas Cantatas."  Yes, Christmas music on October 1st.  There was also a letter written describing the birth of Jesus and the truth of the gospel.  I looked in the pamphlet and noticed that all the performers were Korean.  It looked really cool....and free.  They tour all over the world.  It was being performed at the Florida Theatre so I had a feeling it would be decent.  So, my girlfriend and I went, got all dressed up, and went not knowing what to expect.  Four Acts.  First, choir concert style, all musicians on stage, beautiful green dresses for the instrumental women, red dresses for the women singers, and white suits for all the men.  Second Act, the birth of Jesus in a dramatic performance with costumes and elaborate sets.  Click here to watch part of this act http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrrGHBrFyxI&feature=related.  Probably my favorite part about the concert besides the music was the obvious ministry going on.  At the end of the Second Act, the actors and singers took a bow, you know, one or two at a time depending on who had key roles.  And then the most powerful part of the night happened, everyone on stage faced the back middle of the stage where the little baby Jesus doll had been placed in the manger.  They all knelt and bowed towards Jesus and while they were still bowing, the curtain came down.  I had gone to a concert to hear some talented musicians sing some Christmas songs, and the performers gave a concert to point our direction towards Christ.  It almost seemed like going to church.  God is definitely working through that group.

Anyway, I didn't mean to write that much about the concert but what I did want to share was that my girlfriend and I were having a rough night of communicating.  Many of our arguments are silent ones.  We both like to think and process things before we say anything to the other person, but sometimes the silence creates even more tension and opportunities for making assumptions and worrying, etc.  It really was not fun to go through, but we're getting better at talking about things so that's good.  Anyway, I in no way feel that I have the world, God, myself, and others figured out.  I think a lot.  I love finding meaning in the meaningless, beauty in the ugly, focusing on what's neglected.  I pray that my blogs will not come across as offensive.  I only seek that God would open up your eyes to how others see life.  In times when I think I'm right in an argument with my girlfriend, I often turn off the listening ears and inflate my brain with pride.  Yesterday, we went through the family questions that I included at the end of my blog post called Is a pump fake a sin?.  I gotta tell ya, creating the environment where no person has the right answer in a conversation is awesome.  We talked about our upbringings and it helped reveal why we value certain things and why we react to certain things.  No one person above the other.  An equal desire to understand the other so that there can be forgiveness and reconciliation.  I often hate taking responsibility for my own sins, but it's the only way to see.

I can tell you three things about the presidential candidates.  One, neither, I believe, are seeking the will of God when deciding on what and how to implement different plans of action.  Two, both, I believe, are prideful and unwilling to seek to understand the other side and reconcile anything between parties (not sure if this will ever happen).  Three, both are sinners, not one better than the other, and I believe both need the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  Both need our prayers.  I'm telling myself that too y'all.  I rarely, if ever, pray for those in important positions in government.  I know my heart needs to forgive many people for the negative ways I've seen them use politics as an self-air pump.  I apologize if this blog offends or shocks or saddens you.

I challenge you to show a love that seeks to consider others better than yourself, maybe by listening and understanding where someone is coming from.  "Well, I grew up in a secluded village where they taught that 3+3=7.  That's just the way I was raised.  I didn't know any differently."  Well, they still may be wrong, but at least three things were created--understanding, communication, and some form of relationship.

Are you ever wrong?  Do you ever admit when you are?  It's hard.

Please pray that I seek to obey God's will above my own selfish desires.  Please pray for the presidential race, not for a particular candidate to win, but rather that the campaigning and conversations you may have with others will demonstrate an unconditional love that glorifies the Lord.  This can only be done by the grace of God, not by any human strivings.

For you name's sake, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.  (Psalm 25:11)