It Takes Family

I've gotta be honest.  Coming back to Jacksonville after Christmas was hard.  Leaving the snow, the cold, but most importantly, the closeness of family and friends.  I realize that my only bridge between Jacksonville and my family that I have right now is Missi, my soon-to-be-wife.  Only a little over four months to go!  She has been a huge support to me when I'm having a hard day or need time to process things I'm going through.  I can't wait to see multiple worlds collide on that beautiful day where we officially become husband and wife.  I came back to Jacksonville Dec. 27th and when I was meditating on the great time I had with family, I began crying.  What?  Why am I crying about this? I wondered.  I don't cry like this.  I realize that I'm not going to get to see my baby niece learn how to crawl or take her first few steps.  She will grow up with an uncle who comes to visit once in a while, not enough to build a relationship.  It hurts to think about that.  I won't see my sister as she grows in her faith.  I want to see my brother becoming a better and better father.  As time goes on, our family, once in my eyes as a big tree trunk, has grown tall and we each have our own branch.  We are still part of the same tree, but growing apart.  As we have our own families, more and more branches begin.

It seems each time I go back to Wisconsin, I lose a little bit of what I once remembered.  Not seeing the transition of changes makes it hard to understand or feel comfortable, feel at home.  Things as simple as a new kitchen table can make me feel strangely out of place.  The strange thing actually is that whenever I'm in a transition period, I never realize it.  I take those moments for granted often.  Knowing this, I really pray that this blog post blesses you in that in just the past couple of months, I've either been directly involved or an onlooker of so much transition and growth among the people God has put in my life here.  My recent absence from the blog world is not a result of nothing important happening, but the result of too much going on to even comprehend or communicate.

A few snippets from the past two months.

[Action Day includes taking to the streets and mowing lawns, picking up trash, weeding, basically making the forgotten sidewalks and empty lots clean once again, at least for a time.  Some of the middle school students that attend "Connect", the middle school program, came out to volunteer their time and put their hands to the shovels.  Diallo, who I talk about a lot, is growing into a great servant leader.  He has a general understand of right from wrong and is very teachable.  That trait I feel is important in becoming a leader.  Proverbs 12:15, "the wise listen to advice."  Growing up with nieces and nephews my whole life, it's been easier to relate with lots of different ages of kids as if family.  I don't ever feel like a father to these kids, nor should I, but loving them is easier if I imagine them as family.  I hope Diallo is able to be an usher at our wedding.  God is building into him character.]

[Every other Wednesday, the schools in Duval County have an early release from school so teachers have some time to plan, and in my opinion, just breathe.  What this means for an after school program is an extra hour of planning.  Luckily, our ministry has had a long-lasting relationship with Ron Pauline from the community who runs a nutritional garden to educate the community about health and nature.  He has graciously taken on our little rascals for this extra hour as we plant seeds, pull weeds, water plants, and pick up garbage off the streets nearby.  This old soul with a story ready at his fingertips all the time often talks about the importance of hard work, communities raising children (not just the parents), and respecting other people.  The kids have fun but have short attention spans and would rather throw rotten vegetables around, but it's a process.]

[Leon, our only second grader in the program, has struggled all year with reading and writing.  We've even made intentional efforts to have individual adults work with him but his inconsistent attendance has made this difficult.  I worked hard with him one day just to get him to write 15 of his weekly spelling words into sentences.  It was a challenge and he usually has a great attitude but he isn't as quick.  He fixes his handwriting with a smile, "Whoops, forgot I need a capital 'I'."  There have been rumors that he was moving to a difficult school a few weeks ago but he hasn't gone yet.  I have the privilege of coming to his classroom at his school.  Weeks later after helping him, I was grading his spelling test last week, on a test that I know he didn't get too much help from us, and he got 14 out of 15!  AND, his handwriting wasn't all that bad (for him).]

[I got to be there for the first time Emery, a middle schooler, ever played basketball.  It was fun to play two-on-two against Diallo and his older brother.  There were things I got to teach Emery about the game that I never thought about before.  "Emery, you gotta catch the pass first before you try to dribble it out of the air.  Good, now make sure you see where I am before you pass it to me."  It was fun.]

All of these positive experiences have grown these kids and even myself in some way.  They encourage me to be a good role-model and follower of Christ so they can see that my strength doesn't come from myself.  I think God grows us in two ways--in those positive, heart-warming, fun hangout times, but also in the painful, scared, alone, and weak moments.  There are four girls in our after school program that have interconnected lives due to some pretty crumby life experiences, and they're all not even 12 years old yet.

I actually wrote out a long version of the story with details and it got too crazy and confusing that I just deleted it.  Basically, imagine that your mom tried to kill you and your sibling at a young age, she's out of the picture now.  Your dad can't provide for you financially so you have no electricity or much food.  Luckily, the mom of a friend you met at an after school program, out of her huge heart, has taken you and your sibling in.  You now have food, electricity, a mother figure, and you live with a friend.  After a few months of not living with your dad, you miss not seeing him as often as you used to and on top of that, this new "mom" is tired of you wetting the bed and breaking things and fighting with your sibling (which you were used to doing at the old house).  She gives you both back to your dad who now has a drug debt and still no electricity or food.  He gives you over to some people he knows that also have kids that go to the same school.  After being turned over to them, it turns out there's no room for your sibling so they get kicked out and have to find another place to live.  The mom who took you both in the first place realizes that your situation now is worse and decides to try again to bring them both back.  But the problem is, you want to stay because your new friend will be alone now.  To cut to the chase, both girls are back with the first "mom" and we signed up the new friend as well so that those friendships and a positive relationship can be sustained.

If you didn't follow that, I understand.  I don't know exactly who is reading this right now, but if you're like me, you've had it so easy.  I never had to think twice about whether or not I'd have food or electricity or love from family, I just had it.  I can't imagine what some of the kids in this neighborhood experience.  I'm in no place to say, "Everything will turn out fine."

When I came to Jacksonville, the verse that God gave me to help sever my geographical attachment to my biological family was "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." (Matthew 19:29)

The people of Brentwood.  They are not replacements for my real family, but I do love these people as family.  Please pray for our ministry when you think of us.  Please pray for those girls who are still transitioning to living with each other again, and pray especially for the mom who has taken on a big burden of adding kids to her life, not to mention one on the way.