Growing Pains

When I was a freshman in high school, there were few that were shorter in height.  By some miracle, my height didn't prevent me from making the basketball team, but did hinder my playing time.  I believe it was right before the basketball season that I began to feel pain in my knees and upper shins.  It wasn't enough discomfort to go to the emergency room, but I did get it checked out when I had my physical.  "Probably growing pains," the doctor declared.  It's about time, I thought.  Walking through the harsassment-filled hallways of high school as a tiny little freshman became a greater challenge than normal, especially now that the pain in my legs caused me to disguise a slight limp.  (For those of you worried out there, I never really got harassed, I didn't tried to draw any attention to myself).

It turns out, I didn't hit my growth spurt until two years later when I had already given up on organized basketball and started running track and cross country.  Relating to basketball, I used to always handle the ball well.  Being lower to the ground, I could dribble quicker and have better control.  I used to guard the other team's shortest or weakest player since there wasn't much expectation for me to rebound the ball.  Nowadays, with my tall appearance, I've had to "guard up" and defend people much bigger and stronger than I.

Although this type of physical growth is normal for pretty much everyone, it doesn't take away from the fact that it can be uncomfortable and hard to deal with.  Growth is sometimes hard to see, especially when you see someone almost every day.  When I go home and I see my nephews are 8 inches taller and their voices are lower, I'm filled with awe at first ("Dang, you grew!") and then I think about the fact that I'm getting older as well and, supposedly, getting more mature and grown up.  I was asked recently, "What ways have you seen yourself grow this year?"  Honestly, I didn't want to answer that question because I wasn't sure I had.  This past school year, I've had more frustrating days at work and been put in many situations that have left me unsure how to handle them.  I think in regards to the after school program, the fact that I can so easily point out what is going wrong reflects on what I choose to focus on; the negative.  This kid talks back to adults now when they didn't before.  That kid never used to call people names.  It's so easy to see what's wrong and try to fix it.  I think one reason I've had more frustration at work is because when I see little or no growth in the kids, it reminds me of my own frustrations with myself not growing the way I would want.

But God has a plan.  Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  When I look back and seek the positive memories of the year, I see that the biggest growth has been relationships.  The kids at our program are pretty much best friends with other kids in the program, they are more and more trusting of us as their authority figures.  As you may know from the previous blog, we have made an effort to spend time with the kids outside of the program at the parks or at organized Boys and Girls Days.  Sometimes, I feel like a part of their families, someone closer than just a teacher or babysitter.

What got me so in love with serving Brentwood in the first place was imagining these kids in 5, 10, or 15 years down the road, where they'll be, what plans God has for them.  Yesterday, I was at the park playing basketball and throwing the frisbee around and I saw Breon, a once 14 year old boy who came to our summer day camp back in 2010 who had a huge effect on me.  He is now 17, as tall as me, and asked me to play him one-on-one with him.  He still refers to me as DJ Andrew, my name at camp since I helped out with the music selection.  Another kid in the park, when we'd ask him a question, he'd reply with sir or ma'am, even though we are only in our lower to mid 20's.  It was a reality check with being 25 and not in high school or college anymore.

With my grandmother's passing back in March and only one grandparent still alive, it's been strange to think about losing a generation of your family.  This life, although slowly, continues to move forward and all of us grow, mature, get stronger, weaker, wiser, older, and eventually begin their eternity at death.

Have you ever walked in a cemetery?  Alone?  It's extremely humbling.  Suddenly, that TV show you love to watch becomes pointless, friends and family become more important, a fixation on the fragility of your life comes over you.  As a snake sheds its skin in seasons, and a hermit crab moves from shell to bigger shell as it grows, as the dead skin on my back peels after a wicked sunburn attacked the hard-to-reach places on my back, something new emerges.  My older brother is now a dad, even though I still see him as my buddy who I grew up with.  It's crazy to think about.  Look at your life, where you came from.  Generations back, generations forward.  The ol' days.  These new changing times.

It turns out the kids I've invested in this year are growing, and God is a huge part of that growth.  Although it's hard to see the day-to-day growth, the changes are more evident when I think back to the beginning of the school year.

Here are some pictures my sister found for me of my childhood.

 

I think I've grown up (
?)

These things have been on my mind.  Thanks for reading.  Hopefully you've taken some time to contemplate your life and all the characters in it, the people that God used to shape you.