August 2022 - Grateful for Rest

I've learned a lot about myself this past summer, and I've learned a lot just in general about life. These things I've learned may not be revolutionary to those older than me who've experienced feelings of aging, frustration, lack of control, but for me, I'm learning to adjust, to accept, and even embrace these new findings. I was on sabbatical for six weeks this summer, a luxury that I'm fully aware not every person has the privilege to experience in their work lives. Every five years, staff of 2nd Mile get to take some time off, as working in our specific kind of ministry can often be grueling, frustrating, and wear us down like a steady stream of water over a rock. I'll be honest, it was very difficult for me to not be there to help at Summer Day Camp as our young camp director flew solo for the first time with only the help of others his age. But knowing that it was important for me to check out, and let them learn from their own experiences, successes, and mistakes, it made it easier to temporarily say goodbye to work life. 

 The following are the main things I learned about myself from sabbatical (this is more for me to reflect and look back and may not be that enlightening to you): 

1. Developing new habits is difficult. I made a chart indicating things I wanted to accomplish every day, like drinking a whole thing of water, exercising, having a quiet time, memorizing scripture, intentionally feeding Max food, doing something creative for myself, etc. Over sabbatical, it became clear which things were already habits (the things I did most often) and which things seemed to be a struggle to not only do, but want to do. I watched a video that said accomplishing smaller goals helps to increase momentum in turning new things into habits. For example, if I only have 45 minutes of time to exercise, but exercising normally takes 60 minutes, it's better to do 15 minutes of exercising (one fourth of goal) than to not exercise at all.

2. When things happen that derail my plans or even my routine, I get super closed off, frustrated, isolate myself from others, and find it takes a long time to get back into a rhythm. The last two weeks of sabbatical, my family was fighting various illnesses. ER visits, prescriptions, bodily fluids, chills, coughing, fevers, groggy and sleepy selves. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my last days that could've and should've been for myself. I like feeling I'm in control, but unexpected stuff that happens often leaves me feeling super down. I know that those difficult things are only temporary and that God will get us through. However, I sometimes feel clenched, bracing for the next unexpected bad thing, refusing to make movements towards progress and momentum.

3. Reviewing my past has helped me make sense of who I am now. I'm amazed at technology that can take a ratty old black and white photo from a hundred years ago and can sharpen and colorize the images, or increase the frames per second on an old video, bringing to life the "way back in the day" and distant. Missi and I are currently watching "Lost Cities" on Disney plus where high tech radar is taken of old cites, uncovering where ancient civilizations once were. Excavations take place, revealing broken pottery, animal bones, tools, and a glimpse as to what life was like for a certain group of humans at a certain moment in time. These discoveries seem to bring to life not only what once was, but what currently is. I can see the similarities between 21st and 1st century living. Families are valued, animals, safety, creativity, longevity. Shows like this help distinguish what is really important in life and what clearly isn't. I read through some old journals of mine from college and was recently reunited with thousands of basketball cards I collected as a kid (thanks Mom and Dad). Through the journals and the cards, I see how God used those times to build into me who I am today. I think my love of numbers and statistics and categorizing my life came from sorting these cards as a ten year old. 

4. I gravitate towards the (hypothetical) idea of living a simpler life, like out on a farm or something, and having no internet or technology, emphasis on hypothetical. I think working in the garden and being around God's creation has me imagining this alternate life sometimes. When I'm alone on a disc golf course, walking out in the woods or in a great open field, silent except for crunching leaves under my feet or the occasional chirping of birds, I feel closer to God. My niece recently got married in the middle of the woods, on land that they own (I believe). I'd choose small house/big land over big house/small land any day. Lord, let me get back to a clearer mind, one that rejoices in your creation.

 Prayer request: In February 2022, we ordered a brand new van with the help of generous donations. That van was scheduled to come mid-June. June came and went and the van was rescheduled not once, not twice, but three times to arrive, "ready" for pickup. School in Jacksonville started August 15th. The twofifty:two After School Program starts September 6th. The van is not here yet. Why not just keep using your old van until the new one comes? Well, as of the last two weeks of summer day camp, the van no longer turns on. I was in the van one time where the whole thing turned off...while we were driving! Please pray that our new van comes in time for the after school program's start date. Our backup plan is to rent a van until the new one comes. If it comes to our backup plan, would you be willing to give generously towards renting a van? We won't know for how long we'd be renting, but this is an unexpected expense for us. We have faith that God will provide, and we pray that you will be used by Him to give.

Back to work!