Our Daily Breath...

It was 7:15pm on Tuesday, an entire 45 minutes after the kids got dismissed and left for home.  I was 15 minutes late for Bible study at my house, yet did not allow the normal guilt of feeling late overtake me.  I could have easily gotten a ride home from the church from a coworker, but I chose not to.  Walking home, taking the slow rout while dribbling my basketball and thinking about the past few hours of stress, I began to wonder if I'm cut out for this, if the rest of the year would be like this.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting the chance to invest in kids lives and show them more about God's love for them....but these kids?

I got to my home door, lights on, maybe 20 people crowded in our living room already listening to the pastor's words about Jesus, the bread of life (John 6:25-59).  I went to my room, dropped the basketball, threw my book bag on the bed, took my Bible and pulled up a chair in the way back of the circle, alone with my thoughts, not really listening to the message.  Nobody there went through what I just went through.  I had a legit reason for not talking to anybody and just sitting there with my thoughts, right?  "And the Israelites were commanded by Moses not to save any of the manna until morning.  But they did not listen.  They didn't trust in the bread that the Lord had given them to eat which was just enough for that day."  I started to listen, feeling like God was trying to get through to me.  The pastor and others in the living room began discussing Jesus in John 6 when the people saw him at the other side of the lake and asked, "When did you get here rabbi?" (vs. 25)  One thing that's awesome about Jesus is that he rarely directly answers questions, he answers the questions that people should be asking.  Jesus answers, "Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.  Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval." (vs. 26-27)

I feel entirely underqualified to lead, even co-lead, the two:fiftytwo after school program.  I'm not vocal, I don't command a presence of discipline or structure, and I'm not a great speaker.  I don't doubt that God has given me gifts that He can use and has used in kids' lives.  I get that.  But after the first week of school, I really don't know what to do different and can't turn to anyone that has more specific experience with these certain kids' behaviors.  I realize I want God to help me coast through the school year, give me my cumulative bread from every day this year and pile it into a storehouse so I know it'll be there.  But that bread will rot, and as Exodus 16:20 says, will be covered in maggots and begin to smell.  I feel so day to day right now.  I do trust God to give me strength to last Monday, patience to last me Tuesday, self-control to last me Wednesday, and so on.  Each day I must rely on God for peace and joy, despite being put in very sad and screamy situations.  Why ask for more than what God wants for me.  Could God give me more than my daily bread if He wanted to?  Well sure.  But why doesn't He?  It might be that I become more worshipful of the bread and myself than the giver of the bread like those in John 6 wanting the bread that Jesus gave instead of wanting the bread of life, Jesus himself.

Although we don't have to make the decision on whether or not to trust God with our next breath, He gives it to us anyway.  Our lungs can only hold about a breath's-worth of air.  If they stored an entire day's-worth of air that we needed, can you imagine how big of lungs we'd need?

I would love for you to pray for two of the girls in our program.  Charity (5th grade) and Chassidy (4th grade) are sisters and are becoming very defiant.  It's very difficult to get a hold of their father since he's very busy working or looking for work.  To give you a picture of what we've dealt with this week, most directions we give are met with talking back by Chassidy, especially when she's in that mood.  No matter what you say, she will talk back, in some cases scream back.  There's a lot of hurt and fear in her and she is not very trusting of anybody.  Please pray for them.  Charity has shown more attitude with age but also gets messed with at home by her sister.

Once again, I apologize for the infrequency and inconsistencies of these blogs.  Please forgive me.  It's been very busy around here.

What about God?

Out of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, which one of these three do you think about the least or know the least about?

If you said God the Holy Spirit, I'm right there with you.  Often I try to use the Holy Spirit as if he's some magical force that I can summon within myself to make my life better.  I know it sounds kind of ridiculous, but when asked how to approach the topic of the Holy Spirit, it's sometimes difficult to describe him, especially to someone who doesn't believe in God to begin with.  So you're saying this Holy Spirit is invisible and lives inside you?  Kind of frustrating and even makes me question how clearly I understand the Holy Spirit.

I'm reading a book called "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan which talks all about the Holy Spirit and common misconceptions about Him.  Just recently, I read part of a chapter that I want to share with you but first, I want to ask you one question.  Please take some time to answer it in your head, in your heart, out loud with someone or even just talking to yourself.  How would you describe how your relationship with God is going right now?

The following is an excerpt from "Forgotten God".



"'For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spriti of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba!  Father!'  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.' (Romans 8:15-17)

I don't know where you are as you read this.  Perhaps you're tracking 100 percent and just want to voice your affirmation.  If that's you, then I say, 'Amen!'  Maybe you are reading this and are thinking, Well, I just don't experience that kind of intimacy with God...the Spirit in me never cries 'Abba!  Father!'  If this is you, I don't have a four-step guide to connecting with the Holy Spirit.  I would, however, like to suggest two potential obstacles for you to consider: comfort and volume.

Comfort (Maybe Your Life Is Too Safe)
From my own experience, I have felt closest to God when nearness to Him was a necessity.  The Bible says that the Spirit comes through in situations where we would normally be afraid (Luke 12:11-12).  We experience the Holy Spirit guiding us in desperate situations, such as being placed on trial for the gospel (in some countries), when we are asked why we believe in a God that allows ______ (fill in the world's most recent tragic horror) to happen, or when we receive a totally unexpected phone call that a close family member has died.

Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the 'Helper' or 'Comforter.'  Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience His being 'with you always, even to the end of the age' (Matthew 28:20 NASB).  Though this verse is true for all believers (of course God is always with us), if we are never alone or feeling like we need Him, how much do we care or need to know that God is with us?

I recently had dinner in Seoul, Korea, with an amazing man.  He was one of the twenty-three missionaries who were held hostage by the Taliban in Afghanistan in July 2007.  For those who don't recall the story, the Taliban executed two of the missionaries before a deal was reached with the government of South Korea and the missionaries were released.

This man told me about the horrors of being locked up in a  cell, knowing that martyrdom was a strong possibility.  He also shared about the amazing time they had on the last day they were all imprisoned together (their captors later divided them into groups of three and took them to remote areas).  Each of the twenty-three missionaries surrendered their lives to God that night and told Him they were willing to die for His glory.  There was even an argument over who would get to die first.  One of them had a small bible that the missionaries secretly ripped into twenty-three pieces so each could glance at Scripture when no one was watching.  The Word of God and the Spirit of God got them through the forty days of imprisonment.

One of the most fascinating things this man told me was about what has happened since.  Now that they have been back in Seoul for a while, several team members have asked him, 'Don't you wish we were still there?'  He tells me that several of them experienced a deep kind of intimacy with God in the prison cell that they haven't been able to recapture in their comfort.

This is the precious gift of intimacy the Holy Spirit offers us.  It is a security that is priceless and worth any loss of safety and comfort, even imprisonment by the Taliban.

Volume (Maybe Your Life Is Too Loud)
Multitasking has become the norm.  When was the last time you had an uninterrupted conversation with anyone?  No phones, text messages, or to-do lists running through your mind.  It's so rare nowadays to be able to look someone in the eye without interruption or distraction.  A while back, I found myself talking on the phone, emailing on my laptop, and playing Wii with my daughter all at once.  In my quest to accomplish much, I've lost the art of focusing on one thing or one person.  This in turn has affected my prayer life, as I'm sure it has affected yours.  I find it harder to simply be with God, to focus only on Him while spending intentional time with Him.

While Jesus didn't have to deal with emails, voice mails, or texts, He certainly understood what it meant to have multitudes of people pursuing Him at once.  At any given moment of the day, people were looking for Jesus.  Because of the priority of His relationship with His Father, He found ways to escape.  He took the time to focus and be quiet (Mark 1:35).  He was willing to remove Himself from people's reach in order to pray and commune with God the Father.  Our lack of intimacy often is due to our refusal to unplug and shut off communication from all others so we can be alone with Him.

In the craziness of our world, it takes tremendous effort to find a quiet place.  It takes time to quiet your mind and your heart before the Lord.  It means turning off the music, the television, or your cell phone.  It might mean going outside to your favorite spot.  For some, this is curling up inside in the only place where you find privacy.  For others it might mean heading to whatever wilderness is nearest to you or booking a few days at a local retreat center.

I don't know exactly what it will look like for you to be still before the Lord.  But I do know that no matter what your personality, it is a spiritual discipline to be still, to listen, and to cut out the distraction and din of our world.  And as we practice this stillness, this waiting, this being, it is then that we can experience deep intimacy and relationship with the Holy Spirit.

For some of you, reading this book could be a form of noise that keeps you from Him.  Maybe you already hear lots of sermons and read plenty of books.  What you need is direct communion with Him--to hear directly from Him and to speak directly to Him.  Rather than reading my words, listen to His.

Right now I want you to take a break and open your Bible to the book of John.  Read chapters 14 through 16 and give yourself some space to soak in the words you read.  Notice particularly how Christ desires that His disciples have peace and how He comforts His disciples with the truth that they are not left alone.  Part of His answer to how we are to have peace and be comforted is through the provision of the Holy Spirit, the other Counselor, who He promised would come once He left."


(Me again)
Another long blog post.  I thank you if you faithful to reading all that I'm processing.  I pray that you are encouraged and challenged each time I type.  I'm will hopefully get into more of a rhythm once the school year starts again.  Soon I'll write a ministry update and what's been going on the past few weeks.  Please, if you haven't already, consider what Francis Chan wrote in the previous paragraph.  Take the time to read John chapters 14 through 16.  I did and God is definitely opening my ears and my heart to know more of Him.  Like any relationship and many marriages I'm told, there reaching a point where the relationship goes from wanting as much time with someone to just be around them and get to know them  to  always wanting them to do something for you.  Please pray for my heart to want to just be with Jesus and sit at His feet and follow Him.