November (please read all the way to the end)

BLOCK Middle and High School Program: Starting in January of 2021, I will be taking over the BLOCK program. The previous program director will be stepping down but still hopes to participate when he can. In my history with 2nd Mile, I directed the after school program for two years, directed the middle school program for a little less than a year, and have only attended the high school program on a voluntary basis. I'm not gonna lie, I feel way out of my depth with this older age group. If I've known a student for many years, obviously it's easier to know where they're coming from, their families, their personalities, their future goals, etc. But new students, especially those with no previous connection to 2nd Mile or to church or to God (or even white people in the hood), I suppose that's where leaning on the Lord comes in. Next week Friday, 2nd Mile will be hosting an Outdoor Family Movie Night (socially distanced of course) with the hopes of bringing the relationships we've built back to the church for some good Christmas fun. Not meeting in person on a weekly basis has been a big speed bump in ministry, as I'm sure it is across the nation. Please pray that this night would be safe, enjoyable, and would have a big turnout (hopefully not too big where it becomes unsafe).

In case you want to watch what we will be watching, check out Jingle Jangle on Netflix. It's a family friendly musical and more importantly, has a cast where the majority of the actors are people of color. It's magical and entertaining. Get your hot chocolate, pop that popcorn, light a fire (only if you have a fireplace) and tap your feet with your family.

As We Gather: This newish program for the more elderly of folks has been going great. Created in order to allow members of that age bracket to connect, socialize, and learn about God, technology, and a host of other topics, As We Gather has been doing something brand new in the world of 2nd Mile--specifically reach out to non-youth. A few weeks ago I was asked to join the zoom call and talk about music and perform a few pieces of music. I miss being a part of a huge symphony, even a string quartet, playing with others, but it was good to get the old viola out and perform for others again. I played a few movements from the Bach Cello Suites to differentiate some different emotions that music has allowed me to express growing up (a slow and minor key for sadness, a peaceful major key to relax me or calm me down, and an energetically fast major key to pump me up). The response was great and then conversations began about people listening to different types of music to help facilitate their own moods. From what I've heard, participants in As We Gather have made art together, done daily devotionals together, and learned about different topics including health. We've also been blessed with an intern who specializes in computers, so she has been able to set up these seniors with laptops that we've received and help them troubleshoot, get online, and logged into zoom.

Max Update: Flashback one year, and Max would often vomit after feedings (maybe once a day). Since February or March of 2020, he has not thrown up. We were never really sure if the pukage was due to reflux or just a sensitive gag reflex. Without explanation or understanding, this has stopped and we have been so grateful to have to do less vomit laundry. This has since translated to more peed-on laundry but that's another story. Not puking anymore has given him more interest in tasting different foods. He would suck the life and flavor out of a chip or a bite of an apple, but swallowing, or "sending to his tummy" as we tell him, has been a difficult skill to master. Still sensitive to swallowing solids, Max could take up to an hour to swallow one bite of food. Chewing and moving food to his cheeks once inside of his mouth is hard for him to do. There has been progress, but it has been so slow that it's been hard for us to imagine him ever getting off his feeding tube. We just couldn't see it.

Fast forward to last week.

We noticed after being given a chip, he'd come back asking for another, only this time, it would only be a few minutes later. "He must've dropped it," I thought. But sure enough, he was doing a little bit of chewing and swallowing his bites with more consistency. On the long drive home from visiting family, he was eating Cheetos Puffs left and right. It seems that something may be clicking. This is honestly the first time in a long time where I could imagine him eating normally. This picture of him says a lot. It shows my hopes in getting him to eat more (I've never used that "plate" before with any sort of optimism). It shows him eating at the table (we rarely are able to eat our meals together due to his strict feeding schedule). It shows his face that I can't quite tell if it's just his normal silliness, him being shy, or prideful, or a "why are you taking a picture of me Dad?" face. Please pray for continued momentum in eating, patience and endurance on our end, and most of all a grateful heart in all circumstances.

Easy way to help us this holiday season: Do you shop on Amazon? Did you know that if you designate 2nd Mile Ministries as your charity of choice, Amazon will donate to us a small percentage of the amount you spend? It's no cost to you and it helps us out in a big way!

How to set it up is just a few clicks.

1. Go to Account & Lists and look for AmazonSmile Charity Lists

2. Click Get Started at the top or bottom of the page.

3. Type in 2nd Mile Ministries and select the one located in Jacksonville, FL.

4. Boom! All done.

It's important to note, IF YOU SHOP ONLINE AT AMAZON.COM, THE DONATION WILL NOT GO THROUGH. YOU NEED TO SHOP ONLINE AT SMILE.AMAZON.COM AND THE DONATION WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE GENERATED. You'll still be able to purchase the same exact things as before, only now Amazon knows to designate a little of their money to our ministry through your purchases. Easy peasy.

Shaking off the rust

I had all but given up, desperate for a sign from love. Something good, something kind, bringing peace to every corner of my mind. Then I saw the garden. Hope had come to me to sweep away the ashes and wake me from my sleep. I realized You never left and for this moment You planned ahead, that I would see Your faithfulness in all of the green. I can see the ivy growing through the wall because You will stop at nothing to heal my broken soul. I can see the ivy reaching through the wall because You will stop at nothing to heal my broken soul. Faith is rising up like ivy, reaching for the light. Hope is stirring deep inside me, making all things right. Love is lifting me from sorrow, catching every tear, dispelling every lie and torment, crushing all my fears. Now I see redemption growing in the trees, the death and resurrection in every single seed.

-Lyrics from Kari Jobe's The Garden.

Hearing this song before, the lyrics never really meant much to me personally...until I heard it while working in our garden. Currently, the garden is in the growing phase. We did a complete do-over in late September, taking out all the old plants, weeding all the garden beds, and filling them with new fertilizer. We planted different vegetables and have started to seeing them surface above the soil. Will the plants produce fully ripe vegetables? We have no idea, but had we not prepared the ground, planted the seeds, and watered, they definitely won't. Putting the seeds in the ground and seeing their growth day after day, I get easily frustrated when I see things that hurt the progress. I'll see leaves eaten by animals, I'll see weeds come up and compete for nutrients, I'll see some of our sprinklers clogged with dirt and not supplying the water needed. Growing food is something you can learn a lot about, but predicting the results, the seasons, the exact growth seems impossible. Much like life. We learn from our experiences on what not to do, how to protect ourselves from pain, and we still get hit by unexpected obstacles. We toil, we strive, we writhe, we want to grow and produce lots of good fruit. Here's how that works. Hint: it's not what you do, but what you surrender to the Father and allow Him to do in you.

Jesus says in John 15:1-5, I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

I imagine those first few years in the Garden of Eden were just a learning process for Adam. Nobody had ever worked the land before (obviously since he was the first person), so he had to learn how God had created the world to grow food and trees from just a single seed. I wonder if Adam ever did something that would look idiotic today, like just placing seeds on rocks, or throwing them high in the air thinking that made them grow taller.

I think in a lot of ways, people are operating in this pandemic like Adam may have, being the first gardener/farmer. We have no previous experience of how to do life in a pandemic, especially in this technological world. Since March, 2nd Mile has been learning a lot of ways how not to do ministry. It's difficult to see the fruit when we are so much about in-person relationships. When you are limited to virtual ministry, it feels like trying to grow flowers in a dark room. It feels unfair. There aren't many resources to how to effectively to a virtual ministry in a community that may not have to resources to even take part. We've had some success in seeing lots fruit in a very small number of students; however, we are still searching for how to reach more students effectively in this time.

This pandemic, although it has dramatically altered what we do and how we do it at 2nd Mile, it has allowed us to see other tasks that have been left ignored. For example, at the church, so many thorny vines has taken over our chain-linked fence that have grown up into our outdoor shed where we keep our landscaping tools. Vines are relentless and only need the tiniest of cracks in wood or walls to completely rip through, rip apart, and take over. There were also overhanging branches above the shed that were actually helping to grow unwanted vegetation on top of the roof. Also, our office had so many different types of supplies, not exactly in the best order. These things were important to take care of and had we continued our normal ministry activities, may have gone overlooked and seen as lower priority.

I don't want to go back to normal. But I also don't necessarily want this to be my new normal either. As I, as we all, are being transformed by the world around us, by health regulations, by government, by the status of our jobs, and even by just the normal stressful things in life, I pray that we remain in the true vine, Jesus, holding on for life. I've been hit with some curve balls in the last few weeks and could use some prayer, actual prayer, not well wishes or good thoughts, but prayer in the only one that can either remove the pain, or be present with me through it. Thank you for reading.

As we gather (September)

" I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God's service; you are God's field, God's building." -1 Corinthians 3:6-9

Dark clouds above, gentle sprinkling of rain as we meet at the church to fill two wheel barrows with gardening gloves, water bottles, shovels, spades, and rakes, we anticipate a lot of work for the next couple of hours. Unsure of how many would show up to help spread natural fertilizer (3-yr old animal poop from the Jacksonville Zoo) on a bleak looking morning, we pushed on and we walked a couple of blocks from the church to our Nutritional Garden. The rain got heavier, the sky got darker, and I know everyone in their minds is going, "Are we really gonna do this right now?" Mr. Ron Pauline pulled up in his old squeaky one-mirrored pickup truck brimming with what was once animal feces and backed into the garden lot where about fifteen of us waited ready with shovels and dripping with rain. We had helpers anywhere from the age of 5 to 60. We took all that fertilizer and transferred it into all the garden beds which were previously weeded the week before in preparation for this day. A couple people shoveled the fertilizer into wheel barrows, another couple would walk the wheel barrows to the garden beds, and others would spread out the fertilizer with shovels and rakes. We were like a well-oiled, and might I say soaking, machine. After about a half hour, there wasn't a dry part of your clothing with which to dry your face. We had children, high school students, 2nd Mile staff, and other adult volunteers all serving together in battle.

Up until this day, a lot of the work in the garden has consisted of weeding, watering, and more weeding. The work we did at this action day has allowed us to start the planting process. It was like a clean reset button, a restart to what the garden is all about, growth. I've learned that even though I have nothing to do with the seeds sprouting, I can plant the seed, I can provide the water. With so much in life being out of my own control, I can still be faithful, I can still show up, not knowing what growth will be supplied by God.

After action day, I was amazed at just how good it was to see people in person, to work alongside people to achieve a common goal. It would've taken one person probably an entire day to accomplish what we did in an hour and a half. I agree with Paul in the Bible when he repeatedly talks about being encouraged to see believers in person or how he would walk miles out of the way in order to encourage another.

As We Gather - Currently, 2nd Mile has been developing a program for the older folks in our community. This will include some technological training as well as other activities. As the program develops, say a prayer for those it would help. We've gotten over a dozen computers and a connection with the Faith Building (a building close to my house for the elderly) in hopes that beginning this program will go smoothly, as smoothly as something can in this day in age.

I sincerely feel for those of you who are struggling, who feel alone, who don't know where to go with your stress. With each passing month I feel more and more the irony of our country's name, the United States of America. So much arguing, so much disagreeing, so much hatred, so little listening, so little compassion, so little humility. Covid, racial injustice, whatever that presidential debate was. I will pray that you trust in the Lord. "But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." - Jeremiah 17:7-8

And so begins the weirdest school year ever.....

Summer Day Camp 2020 - Camp is now over and the school year has just begun. If you want to see a short video from our camp director, Ahmad, go to the 2nd Mile Ministries facebook page. Honestly, it is probably one of our best videos we've done! Check it out! Ahmad is in college now and participated in our high school program when he was in high school. His heart for his own community has been evident as he has worked with us for the summer to create a uniquely awesome camp!

School year 2020-2021 - For right now, 2nd Mile Ministries has decided to meet virtually across all programs, unsure of how the school year will shake out. Currently, in Duval County, elementary school students are back in person Monday through Friday (but parents had the choice to enroll them in virtual), and high school students are in person twice a week and virtual the rest. We cross our fingers and send up prayers that our students, teachers, parents, and other educational workers are safe, wise, and diligent. I pray that all of said people will have grace for each other as 2020 will truly be a year for the ages. Pray for the two:fiftytwo After School Program as it goes online. Pray for the recruiting process, the curriculum, strength, patience, and innovation. Pray for the BLOCK middle and high school program. Pray for wisdom in how to approach this program online as well. The students who have been coming are gaining so much knowledge and wisdom. Pray for leadership to create a program that kids will want to be a part of, despite already being online for a lot of their day.

The Nutritional Garden - Last month, I asked if anyone had started doing anything during the pandemic that they might not have otherwise done. Answers included meditation, spending more time with family, exercising, etc. For me, one of my go-to's has been the garden. 2nd Mile has helped out at the Nutritional Garden for a number of year now. It's located just a couple blocks from the church where we do ministry and if you were new to the neighborhood, you might think it was a little out of place. It is built in a previously empty lot with residential houses on either side. We've grown many different vegetables, fruits, and herbs over the years, some of which I am still unacquainted with. Just in the last couple years, the garden has been given over to 2nd Mile Ministries to run and manage. I'm assigned once every other week or so to help water, weed, prune, harvest, clean, etc. Lately, weeding has been my primary focus at the garden. It's amazing how fast those weeds grow, especially in Florida. I want to devote a blog post just to how much gardening reflects life. I can understand why Jesus used parables involving trees and seeds and water to describe the spiritual life. Oh well, for another time.

We have recently received grant money specifically to be used in the garden. This money allows us to put in new wooden fences along the sides of the garden (the old ones have rotted and been overtaken by vines). There is also a chain-linked fence near the back mural that existed as part of an alleyway that probably was utilized decades ago. This fence will also get removed and allow for a more open feel. If you have any interest in gardening and would like a tour, (even a virtual tour), I'd be happy to give one. If you would be interested in giving towards our garden expenses, thankfully, it's pretty cheap to run. Right now, our only cost is our water bill. On average, our water bill is $37 per month. Would you consider donating this amount to 2nd Mile Ministries on our website, 2ndmilejax.com?

And lastly, if you'd rather give a one-time donation, I have one more request. Our basketball hoops at the church have been a game-changer for how many people have come to the church to just hang out. Within the last school year, one of the backboards cracked, and those cracks have over time turned into giant holes. The backboard/rim system that fits our cemented poles at the church are here, amazon.com/backboardandrim It is specifically the 48in one. If you're interested in shipping one to us, you can send it to my address at 3646 Brentwood Blvd., Jacksonville, FL 32206. If you are interested in just donating money for us to buy them, they are $179 each. We are hoping to get two. And if you are unable/unwilling to give at this time, perhaps you know someone who may be interested in giving.

(If you decide to give, please either give those specific amounts (so we know their intent), or just leave a comment in the comment section when you give.)

Thank you for reading. May God bless you and encourage you as the new school year begins!

Nearing the end of Camp

Summer Day Camp - We are nearly finished with our 6 week long virtual summer day camp. This year has thrown us surprises that have forced us to be innovative and flexible. As mentioned in the previous month's blog, we meet virtually Monday through Thursday, and have attempted to meet in person on Fridays. As of right now, with the number of positive cases surging in the Jacksonville area, we have decided to finish out camp completely virtual. However, the kids were lucky enough to meet up at the church for one more Friday to make giant bubbles, build intricate balloon animals, and oh yeah, MEET SOME ANIMALS FROM THE JACKSONVILLE ZOO! In review of the camp, it seems that the Camp in a Box idea has been a success! As the school year is right around the corner, we are proceeding with caution. There will be more updates on our plans for other programs hopefully next month.

BLOCK - Our middle and high school program has had its ups and downs. Currently, we meet every Tuesday night via zoom, and the kids that have been coming have been hungry for the word of God. When asked to think through questions they have about God, the Bible, and life in general, these students came back with thought-provoking questions, questions they had clearly been wrestling with in the past. 

"Why does God let bad things happen?"

"Are women allowed to be pastors?"

"What do I do with my anger towards someone who hurt me?"

We answered these questions to the best of our abilities and with Scripture that God had put on our hearts. The students soaked up every word. Praise God for their pursuit of the Lord their excitement to see what the word of God says! This is great news for the kids who have been attending, but it has been difficult to get more kids to join in on the virtual calls. With school starting up, knowing that many of them will be learning virtually at least for the beginning of the school year, will the kids want to get on yet another virtual call? With the summer nearing its end, what type of content, what type of programs, what type of activities will effectively engage middle and high school students to want to hop on a call? If you have answers, suggestions, or even any helpful input or experience in this, please email me at lilvollmer@gmail.com.

Nutritional Garden - About once every other week, I go to our neighborhood garden that 2nd Mile maintains and spend lots of my time pulling weeds, watering plants, and dreaming of what it would look like if the garden was flourishing. My creative juices start flowing in thinking of ways to improve a garden that almost seems too full of potential. Please pray that God would give me wisdom to discern what this creative surge is doing and why I'm drawn to the garden more and more. I feel a shift coming at some point, a positive shift. This could be because of the pandemic and being cooped up for so long, or maybe it could be the necessary slowing down that my life really needed to see what God has been doing in my heart.

And finally, I leave you with a video I'd like for you to watch. It's a series called "Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man." A black man answers questions that some people might be too afraid to directly ask a person of color. He also brings guests in subsequent episodes to hear from others. In one he brings out interracial couples. In another he invites white parents who have adopted children of color. What I love about the series is that everyone that comes on has not only the ability to share their own personal experiences to the group, but there is a posture of respect and humility and willingness to listen of others. For me, it's hard to ask people questions sometimes, because it might expose my lack of knowledge or awareness, or it requires me to listen to someone else's point of view which may clash with mine. A great way to show you love and care about someone is to ask them questions and just listen. I encourage you to watch at least this first episode.

Thank you for reading this blog.

Quran and an armadillo from the zoo

Andre engaging in bubble-ology!

Olivia with a balloon octopus

Belief vs. Faith

BLOCK Middle and High School Program : For months now, we have been meeting via zoom call every Tuesday night. Some weeks we'll have nearly 20 people on call, others maybe like 5. It's difficult to know exactly the impact these meetings have been having, but I do know one thing--it's very apparent that the students that have been coming consistently are hungry to learn and grow. I don't remember me or my friends in high school being as wise and thoughtful as our students are about their lives, their faith, and their futures. In the past few weeks, we've been focusing on the ideas of belief in God and faith in God. As the students shared their thoughts about the difference between these two, we came to the agreement that faith is when your actions change due to your belief. "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that--and shudder." James 2:19. What do you do with your belief? The BLOCK director used the analogy of a chair to demonstrate faith. Unless a chair looks rickety and unable to hold under the weight of a pop-a-squat, we rarely question its ability to hold us when we sit. Even now, I've been trusting the chair I'm sitting in to do what it does and I don't have to worry about falling. And how much more reliable and powerful and in control is our God! I sometimes find myself questioning God's goodness in showing up, despite his immovable and unchanging character. He hasn't changed, my trust in him has changed. How awesome those times in my life have been where the things of this world grow strangely dim when I turn my eyes and my walk completely on Jesus!

(BLOCK prayer request: We've had a difficult time reaching middle school students specifically during this new virtual world. Pray that more kids would be reached via zoom, or for God to open up other creative options to connect and build into his children)

Summer Day Camp : The year 2020 has forced us as well as many others organizations and entities to evolve and adapt and get creative. 2nd Mile has created Camp in a Box! Each week of camp, the campers receive a big Lowe's cardboard box filled with the weeks activities, supplies, and materials. Each week has a different theme (ex: nature, animals, water, etc.). Each day has a different type of activity (ex: art, Bible lesson, snacktivity, etc.). We just finished week 1 of 6 for our summer day camp. Monday-Thursday from 1:30-3pm, students ages 7-12 get on a zoom call where high school and college aged counselors lead different breakout groups for different groups of kids. Fridays, for now, the plan is to meet in person at the church while taking many safety precaution amid corona virus concerns. This past Friday, we learned about what parts of the plant different vegetables are. Honestly, even I learned some things, like broccoli is the flower of the plant and carrots are the roots of the plant. We also walked a couple blocks from the church to our neighborhood garden where the kids filled their painted pots from art day with soil and carrot seeds. There were about a dozen students in attendance and about 12-15 students on zoom calls. As the number of positive covid cases skyrockets in Florida and even more specifically, Jacksonville, we are operating knowing that we may need to be flexible with our schedule and plans for future weeks.

(Camp prayer requests : Wisdom with decision making, healthy students/counselors/staff, that the kids would have fun and learn, and finally that the love of God can be translated through us to the students.)

In other news... : There is so much happening in the country, even worldwide, concerning systematic racism, injustice, Black Lives Matter, police brutality, defunding the police, and so on. Before I share what I'm about to share, I just want you to identify the emotions or thoughts you feel when you read that list of topics. Maybe certain ones make you tense, maybe they fire you up with absolute support or absolute rejection, maybe there's lack of knowledge and a temptation to deflect or ignore these issues that seemingly don't directly and immediately effect you. Wherever you are on the spectrum, I hope you are able to self-diagnose why you feel the way you do. 

In regards to living in faith and not just belief, I'd ask you...do black lives matter? "All lives matter." Yes. Every human being should be treated with dignity, respect, and love. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves. That, however, has not been the experience of the average black man or woman in America. I could recommend a bunch of shows, movies, books, and music to help you understand the generational pain that's lasted for centuries, but my question to you would be, would you be willing to take that step to watch, read, or listen? A couple of months ago I wrote in the blog about entering in to another person's pain, which is truly good for the heart. However, it's an exercise that is not so easily put into habit. I feel and fear that the further away from the freshness of George Floyd's death, the less important people not of color may feel their need or desire is to fight. (I've felt the same with covid stuff, it was everywhere in the news to begin with, then businesses start opening up, the initial doomsday mentality is gone, and positive tests skyrocket, but I digress. Wear a mask. Be decent.) Racism still exists even if there are not weekly protests going on or big headlines.

Anyways, if you have a belief that black lives do in fact matter, how are you currently walking that out in faith? If this is a hard question to pinpoint an answer, I'll ask perhaps a more encouraging question. If you have a belief that black lives do in fact matter, and don't know how to walk that out in faith, what initial steps could you take to walk that out in faith? Everybody is different, but probably a good rule of thumb is, be humble, don't assume you know everything, educate yourself, be a person who is quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Missi and I recently watched the movie Marshall (not the one about the football team) and Just Mercy. Both about court cases in different eras. It brings to light the racism, biases, and unjust legal system prevalent in society. The documentary 13th will always be a recommendation from me. Movies are easier recommendations to make than books for me. Once starting a movie, it's hard for me to not watch the whole thing. Not sure which of these are still free to watch on Netflix, Prime, or Hulu, but take a look if you have those platforms.

I'll be honest. I feel a lot of things and sometimes struggle confronting these painful stories over and over again. But having the ability to hide from injustice and wrap myself up in my privilege is not something people of color get to do. This just reminds me of my weaknesses and reinforces just how strong Jesus must have been to enter in to the hurt and pain of those "sinners" that the Pharisees felt he had no business fighting for.

(My prayer for you, whoever you are, is this: I pray that wherever you are in your feelings, opinions, allegiances, spirituality, or morals, that God would give you more and more capacity and willingness in your heart and mind to understand, to empathize, and to love your black neighbors, whether you see them on the daily or not. I pray that your growing understanding, empathy, and love would be moved to words and actions. I pray that your words and actions would display the love that Christ showed us, laying down his life on behalf of another. Lord, be with those who have read this blog, those whom you've convicted to take a step, and know that what they do for one of the "least of these", they do unto you. Amen.)

Who is my neighbor?

Kirk Franklin's song Imagine Me. (2009, junior year of college)

Phillip LaRue's Window. (2011, just out of college)

The McClurkin Project's Healing Grace. (2013, a few years living in Jacksonville)

Maverick City Music's (ft. Dante Bowe) Take Me Back. (May 14th, 2020).

These are the only times in my life where I can recall a particular song moving me to tears. In every case, it was the first time hearing those songs, not knowing what it was about, and God moving in my heart to hit me unexpectedly, reminding me that he knew exactly where I was, who I was, and what I was going through. Tears are healing. Two weeks ago, I was hit by Take Me Back. At the time, I was going for a long long walk in our big local cemetery contemplating the aging process, seeing the dates of thousands of births, the dates of thousands of death, when this song came up randomly in my youtube auto-play.

I remember when I was young

And your voice, shouting loud my name

And since that moment, I haven't heard it quite that way

Well, now that I'm older,

Could you say it again?

It was at that last line I lost it and knew I needed to hear every single word of the rest of the song. The times I feel God's presence most have been in these unexpected times of just waiting and listening. There is nothing I can do to conjure up those feelings or tears, it is completely at God's will to move.

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Not exactly sure why I felt the need to share the above, maybe just to document my humanity and God's existence for a later time when I'm discouraged and reading these blogs back for direction.

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Mother's Day 2020. I love my mom a lot. I love that my wife is a mom a lot. But I couldn't get Ahmaud Arbery's mom out of my mind. I prayed for her even though I didn't really even know how. There has to be so much confusion, anger, frustration, and perhaps hatred surrounding that situation. As I was trying to find an interview I watched a few weeks ago, I see now that an arrested man was killed by a cop in Minneapolis with a knee to his neck, begging for air. If you were of the African American community, you'd have a tough time trusting cops when you hear stuff like this happen all too often. I'm having a hard time continuing my typing. The interview I was trying to find had to do with the idea that in these days, blackness is being criminalized. When we live in fear, in generalizations and prejudice, it has so many unseen negative ripple effects. I love where I live. I love this neighborhood. People here have been through so much pain and injustice and want to live in a safe place just like the rest of the world. I love hearing distant hip hop beats during cookouts and celebrations. I love hearing nearby fireworks (not necessarily the noise, but knowing those people are having a good time). I love how people stay out on their porches, and greet walkers as they go by. Life is a shared gift. Although we all have our own individual selves and will have a birth date and a death date on our gravestones when this is all said and done, life is given to us for two reasons--to love, honor, and give glory to God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

If your definition of neighbor is who lives to your immediate left and right, you wrong. In response to this question, Jesus answers with the good Samaritan parable. Be kind to those who are getting unfairly treated. Either stand up for an individual you meet, or speak up for a people who have been dealt with unfairly for centuries and continue to be.

I'm not so good with conveying exactly the feelings I have about all that I experience, learn, and know, but I hope this blog is not just another source to read and consume and remain unchanged and unconvicted. Pray for my black neighbors, my black brothers and sisters every single time you see something in the news regarding racial injustice. Imagine the emotions you'd be going through if that man was your son, or your brother, or your best friend, or your dad.

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We are meant to engage injustice as Christians because justice is near to God's heart. We are not meant to be like Pontius Pilate who washed his hands "clean" of any blame for Jesus's crucifixion. Stepping aside from the chaos does not make it go away, it just keeps us from experiencing more of Christ's redeeming work.

Take a listen.