It seems that every new year, I still manage to write down the wrong date once in awhile. It's 2016, not 2015. Although the experiences of the past now fade, their memories strive to revive truths about the world we live in. It feels like yesterday I was in college. But it's been six years! As I recall favorite memories with some of the kids here, I realize that the frequency and depth of those experiences weigh much more heavily on their young lives. I've known some of them for almost five years and they grow up right in front of my eyes. I cannot emphasize enough how a simple encouraging word or moment of grace can bring light into a life. Following through on a thought to call someone or pray for them is something that the devil loves to rob me of or distract me from. That TV show isn't more important, or that football game, or that sense of laziness and comfort.
In continuing my counseling education, this semester I'm taking one class called Helping Relationships. So far, I have been challenged to focus on other people before myself as well as convicted of my own tendencies to shy away from any real conversations, any real talk. Many of my friendships are based on common secular interests (sports, music, news), but rarely on how we both are experiencing life and how we can be pointing each other towards Christ. God has been using these classes to reveal parts of my heart that are dark and guarded heavily from letting God take over. One in particular includes my fear of man. I'm often way too concerned about what others think of me. I can simultaneously wallow in both self-pity as well as pride. There are even times when I want people to see my efforts in trying not to care about what people think of me.
This morning I read Matthew 6. If you have time, read it. I'm a slow reader and it took me like ten minutes. Jesus expounds on the theme of the hypocritical man who does things so that others may see. They give to the needy in streets so that they may be praised by others. (6:2). They pray on street corners that they may be seen by others. (6:5). They disfigure their faces when they fast so their fasting may be seen by others. (6:16). God knows the depth of our hearts and can see through our actions to know our true motives. Are we living for ourselves or for him? If you asked me whether or not I love people, my first thought is, absolutely I do, but when I think about my interactions, I seem to be less concerned about what's actually going on in their life and more concerned about not saying anything stupid or awkward.
I know there's grace for me and I need not spend any more time wallowing. Please pray that my life would more and more reflect that of Christ's. He loved in grace and in truth. Every time I open my mouth is an opportunity to love, encourage, and reveal the truth of the gospel to someone. I don't want to blindly walk through life unaffected by the death and resurrection of Jesus. I'm here for but a minute and then I'll be swept away to eternity.
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| Ferrell, Agel, Christian (in red), and Mekhi taking a water break |
December in Jacksonville showed some great weather for us (sorry). We had another Boy's Day where we went to the Andrew Jackson High School track and played some flag football. At our after school program, the boys often play football and have to play two-hand touch because of the cement ground. It was fun to see them enjoy a little more freedom to jump, dive, bump, and hit on some "soft" grass. These are the days the boys have told me they love the best, days away from the program, somewhere they don't usually get to go. This shared experience only adds building blocks to their already strong friendships.
This past school year, I've been absent from most of the fun Friday activities in order to focus on school work. However, last Thursday substituted as the day for a fun activity due to no school that Friday. I got to lead in one of my favorite activities, cup stacking. Three teams tried to build for height and durability. Midway through the building process, I snuck around the room with a nerf gun and attempted to knock them down. Aware of this, teams enrolled one or two teammates to guard their structures from destruction. It was a very fun experience. Kids got excited and into it as I tried to surprise them by hiding behind corners and curtains. The times that I most cherish in ministry are those shared fun experiences that I can then share with the kids in future years. "Remember when we played flag football?" or "Remember when we stacked cups up to the ceiling?" It is my prayer that as these kids get older, what they reminisce about will include very significant encounters with God and how he has changed their lives. I'm not always sure exactly what my role is in their lives, but I trust God to make it more and more clear as I continue to seek him in my life.
